kellykylie

i wun say i am not freaking out. cuz i am actually realli feeling damn scared. after all, i haf not seen them for 8 months now.. that is quite some time considering i stayed with them for 3 months before totally cutting myself off them. i'm not sure how to look to them, how to talk to them, or even how to smile in front of them. are they realli ready to accept me in their lives again?

i hate how that sounds. why does it look like i am at their mercy? like i am the one that did wrong? i guess tt is the exact impression the empress dowager wants to give out. i may be at wrong, but that does not mean i haf nothing to fault them for.

1st of all, this is between me and *him*. why are they poking their noses into our relationship? who are they to deny me? to me, tt is unfair. and totally uncalled for.

2ndly, the truth is she did talk behind my back. instead of reflecting upon her own actions (and mistakes), she is behaving like she is the one who had been tattled on. WTF! one can play the same game and if u can do it to me, why can't i do it to you??? 这叫以牙还牙！

lastly, i've said this b4 and i will say it again. if she realli loves her son, why wud she make things so difficult for him? by her denying me did not do ANY harm to our relationship and if anything, it made us STRONGER. so she jolly well know where she stands in this relationship, if she insists on being a part of it.

but the bottom line is - i am afraid of having to go back and reconcile with his family.. but i kno that if i dun, we can nv take the relationship to the next level or even get married. and if i haf to do things out of my own free will to makes things better between his family and me, i guess i will. i will get through it for his sake, not mine.

i realli hope this is a good thing for us.. me being invited back to his hse for dinner. i am so nervous abt it.. i dunno wat to expect.. but i will do my best.. TRY not to get irritated with the dowager's antics. it's going to take all i haf to fight (and win) this battle but i am determined.

and i will be wiser this time.