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♫ Stuff In My Head ♫

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

This song made me so EMO.

Beautiful Mess - Jason Mraz

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man
And lift him back up again

You are strong but you're needy, humble but you're greedy
Based on your body language and shorty cursive I've been reading
You're style is quite selective but your mind is rather reckless
Well, I guess it just suggests that this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well, it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick and probably
Have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy depending on how you take these
Words they're paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well, it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
Kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt, oh dear
'Cause here, here we are, here we are

Here we are, here we are
Here we are, here we are
Here we are, here we are
Here we are, we're still here

What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

And through timeless words and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh, the wait was so worth it

Sunday, January 24, 2010


Ok maybe I over-react sometimes. But I think some ppl really are asking for it. This has never happened to me before and perhaps that is why it has made me so angry! It is preposterous!

I woke up on Sunday, happy and relaxed (and lazy).. sat up in my bed and started FB-ing on my mobile phone. Once I logged in, I saw that I had a new message, so I clicked onto it and saw that it was a poly mate who left me a message. It's queer cuz I have never known this person back when I was in school. He was someone I saw along the corridor and knew that he was from the same school as me. But this wasn't the 1st time he sent me a message, so I wasn't that surprised to hear from him. The 1st time he messaged me, he commented that I photograph nicely and would like me to model for his portfolio for FREE. I was chuckling when I read that cuz he must think I am some amateur at such propositions. Ok I am no professional also, but I have had some experience and I know how these things work. If he were a friend, I would consider doing him a favour but he wasn't and the fact that he was being so assuming and all about himself and his "photographer" status in his message, I declined point blank, saying I do not do such things for free and that I do not have time to spare anyway. He replied saying ok and that he hopes to get a chance to work with me in future.

So when I clicked into his message that morning, I was just groggy and nonchalant about it.. until I read his message:

"Congratulation to your wedding!

Don't mind my comments from Photographer point of view, not sure the style of photographer, is he new? Many picts are out of white balance (eg: many picts are yellowish), distracting angle and etc.

Suggest to do some picts post processing to enhance the picts.


Just to be clear, I copied his message word for word, so don't fault me for the glaring bad grammar and lack of vocab. Those were purely in his own words.

After I read the message, I FUMED! I mean, it is not that I cannot take criticism.. but this is uncalled for! I did not ask him for his comments and what made him think it was ok to just give them?? In the 1st place, WE ARE NOT EVEN FRIENDS!! I have never spoken to him before in my life and we have never ever been properly introduced, I don't even know if we have common friends at all other than the fact that we were both from the same poly. THE NERVE!!!! And he hid his message under the pretense of congratulating me on my wedding, it is such disgusting behaviour!! And he has to stress that he is a photographer to me, otherwise why the CAPS in P in "Photographer"????

The fact that he has no knowledge of me or my photographer, and yet he dares to judge us! There are many factors involved, of course! He didn't even consider that perhaps we are on a tight-budget and all we could afford was a mid-range photographer that shoots pictures "out of white balance"? Or maybe the photographer is a relative, and we got no choice have to let him shoot?? Or that the pictures that I uploaded were the raw photos from the CD-ROM photographer gave me? Meaning unedited and not photoshopped. Or worse, maybe my package comes w/o editing and I edited those photos myself?

See what I mean, he is so assuming!!!!

Truth is, I have no complains about how the photos turned out, in fact, my hubby and I are very happy with them!

It goes to show how low his EQ is, if he has any, that is. And also, what an MALE CHAUVINISTIC PIG he is!

This was my reply to him:

"3 things: 1st of all, I am not a photographer so I know zilch about any of the things you mentioned above. 2nd of all, I am very pleased with how the photos turned out as they are taken for memories' sake and not intended to be submitted for a photography competition. My photographer has effectively captured all the vital and candid shots which I had hoped he would so he definitely did not disappoint me. 3rdly, I don't know what made you think your comments would be welcomed but they are not! In fact, I think you need to be told that your comments will not be welcomed on any of my photos from this point on, professional or not. This has been extremely rude of you and I hope you don't do this to anyone else in future unless the person specifically asks for your input.


With that, I deleted him off my list of friends. HMMMPH! I felt darn good after I sent out that message and deleted him off the face of FB. It might appear to some as over-reacting or extreme.. but I just felt very invaded of my personal views and I had to do something about it.

My friends would know I am not one to be bullied, and this guy had some nerve!!!!

I am curious tho, what would you have done if it happened to you??

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Hello 2010

I apologise for the very long hiatus.. I was going through a difficult time since late Oct last year which lasted all the way until Jan this year.

You see, I was pregnant. the 1st trimester was extremely difficult for me with a lot of morning sickness (which lasted all through the day and night), nausea and loss of appetite. I was losing weight and having difficulty getting around due to the dizzy spells and discomfort caused by nausea. So if you asked me out and I said no during that time, pls forgive me, I really only wanted to curl up in bed all day.

And when I was almost nearing the end of my 1st trimester, the doctor discovered that they cud not detect a heartbeat in my tummy. So that was when the roller-coaster ride began. There were many emotions and factors involved. Sadness, guilt, confusion, anger and fear. Sometimes they came all at once. Some days I just cried and cried until I had nothing left to cry. Some days I just do my usual stuff, trying to be as normal as possible. Other days I just sat there and thought about all the possible outcomes, and start crying. and the cycle repeats.

It didn't help that some ppl around ard me were not understanding and supportive. I will not do name-calling here.

Anyhow, after a whole load of religious lectures (or what they claim it to be) and self-reflections.. I underwent the procedure to terminate my pregnancy on Jan 5 (you know it as abortion but I would prefer to say that I had been forced to terminate it).

It is my 1st day back at work today after resting at home for 2 weeks and I am feeling much better emotionally now that the whole traumatizing episode is over. but physically, I am still healing.. it is constant reminder of the baby that might-have-been and the many factors that made it never-have-been.

At the end of it all, I grew from the experience and share an even closer bond with my husband now. It also made me see through the characters of some. It was not all a bad thing.

I just want to say that my mom and sister have been amazing and simply wonderful during this entire time. There is absolutely nothing I could ask more of a mother and sister.

And my hubby, for being so unbelievably supportive and understanding, even through my tears and tantrums. I now know that there is no one in the world that could possibly love me more than you do.

"Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be." - Author unknown