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♫ Stuff In My Head ♫

Monday, August 27, 2007

My New Toy!

sorry HK dramas, i haf to put u on hold to spend some quality time with my new baby. :D

Saturday, August 25, 2007

The call finally came. i was not counting on it to happen. but it did. and it's like a huge rock off my chest.

4am in the morning, he called. i was sure he was drunk. but if he weren't, wud he haf ever called me?? i dunno. they say all chinese bare their souls when they are drunk. i hope it is true.

hearing his voice again.. realli made me happy. he was speaking to me in the puppy voice. my heart reali melted. at some point, i was certain he cried. i wished i could hold him then. i realli miss him so much.

maybe i will haf to wait longer this time, maybe not. i realli dunno wat to expect, but i kno i want to make it with him. only him.

i love u, baby.

Monday, August 20, 2007

The MRM Uniform Party! - 17 Aug 2007

Friday, August 17, 2007

i've said it a million times, and i will say it for another million times if i haf to.

Relationships are so hard.

why do ppl haf to make simple things so complicated? or maybe i am the only person left in this world who is so simple-minded.

if 2 persons like each other, jus get tgt, right? wat's so hard abt tt?

wat's hard, is when u haf issues. issues with another person, or maybe issues with urself.

maybe i haf been out of action for too long, i dunno how to play the dating game anymore. rules haf changed since i last reigned in the game.

so des and i are not gonna work out after all. at least i've tried and now i kno. at least i will not stay up late at night thinking abt the wat-ifs with des again.

one more man to prove to me that *he* was the best. other than the fact tt he was a momma's boy. at least he's nv lied to me, has alwaes been matured in his thinking and responsible for his actions. and he is only 26? des is 31 for freaking goodness sake! i guess age is realli jus a number. i will nv be fooled again.

life hasn't been the same lately. i am finding that calm and peaceful self more these days. and i like it. even if i kno des is playing me, i am not angry. it is his own karma. i haf done nothing against my conscience and i haf done all i shud haf done.

i told fiona yday, i like wat i haf with des now, compared to wat i had with *him*. at least i kno wat i want to do with him. with *him*, it was alwaes, shud i break up with him? shud i stay with him? and it were these very questions tt made me a realli unhappy person. now tt *he* is out of my life, i can see clearly wat i want.. or rather wat i dun want. i jus want to be single and happy for now.

tonight is gonna b a big night. it is an ex-colleague's last day and they are holding a big going away party for him at Blujaz. a uniform party! i haf rented my british guard uniform and am super excited abt it. will definitely post those pictures up here when i haf them.

after tt party, i am heading over to zouk to join fiona. i kno des will b there.. i am having mixed feelings.. i want to go there to see him.. but i also wanna go there to ignore him.. jus to see how he wud react. i kno this is childish.. but.. he is realli hitting me on all of my weaknesses.. my biggest weakness is him.. i give in to temptation every time i see him. i pray tt i haf the strength to stand firm tonight when i see him.. i will not let him mess with my mind again.

nat.. i kno u r concerned abt me getting myself hurt all over again.. but i want to assure u tt i kno wat i am doing.. i will not shed a tear for him, i promise u. :)

I am a WOMAN, hear me ROAR!

after i finished typing my last entry. i noticed something very glaring abt it. that post was doing a big big injustice to HK! i barely talked abt it! am jus too distracted by des during the trip. nevertheless, i am gg to make up for it now, leaving des totally out of the picture!

1st of all, i'm gonna state the obvious 1st. Hongkongers realli walk very fast!!! but the rumour abt them walking so fast tt they bump you deliberately is not true leh. at least i didn't get tt. even if i did, they alwaes turned ard to apologise. tt is not so bad wat!

another thing is, u kno how nowadays we have been taught to stand on the left side of the escalator and leave the right aisle for ppl to walk through? Hongkong has the same practice and wow, they are realli conscientious at it! they keep by tt rule religiously and it realli makes it so much more convenient for everyone. even when they are at the platform waiting for the train, they also line up in an orderly manner! even waiting for lifts, they line up too!! how come Singaporeans can't be like tt?? Super kiasu lo, realli!

speaking of their MTRs, wa lao. i love their trains! they are so convenient, the routes are so easy to understand, and they take me everywhere! all in all, i only spent abt SGD80 on transport there! there was no need for taxis. i wud not wanna b in one anywae, their traffic is quite congested too!

it was summer when i went to HK. however, on the 3rd day, we ran into the typhoon 8 warning. if u dun oredi kno, typhoons are rated on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being the mildest, 10 being the strongest. so a Typhoon 8 warning was pretty serious. when the signal sounded across the country, all the students were told to go home, and all offices and malls closed to allow their staff to go home before the typhoon comes. was super drama lo! 1st time i witnessed HK streets free of ppl! the typhoon 8 signal merly lasted for about 3 days.. after tt, the signal warning dropped to no. 3. apparently the last time HK was hit by a no. 8 typhoon was in 2004. stuff fell from buildings and smashed cars all. well i kno it is not very nice to say this but i actually was looking forward to witnessing one of these. hee.

i kinda sidetracked from wat i wanted to talk abt. so i was saying, it was summer when i got there. and i realised something very very strange, which my sister agrees too. Hongkongers can't dress for nuts in Summer! u kno how they all look so cool in their layers during winter.. summer is a totally different issue! all of them look so.. "lok-kok"!! i dunno why! nex time i haf to go in winter!!

and i realli think the thing abt good-looking ppl in HK is over-rated. I SAW NONE! i mean, dun talk abt those in clubs la, they are models! those on the streets.. wa lao. dunno where all the good-looking ppl's gone to! disappointing man.

it's weird how at any time of the day, it is alwaes ppl mountain ppl sea in the streets. on a monday afternoon, dun ppl haf to work?? NO! they are walking ard with frens, talking and laughing, shopping and eating. so weird! even in business districts! other than the day of the typhoon 8 warning, every other day it was jus ppl, ppl and more ppl on the streets! i cudn't get used to it at 1st, it gave me a headache. but by the 2nd day, i jus kinda blended in la. became one of those ppl who wud walk damn fast, as if i am in a rush. yes, to the next shopping mall. hahah.

celebrity spottings. NONE. but fiona got lucky, she was with her frens, waiting for me in a club called HALO. guess she had for company, sitting beside her..? DANIEL WU! haha.. she sms-ed me to tell me to hurry over but i am no big fan so i didn't. if only it was edison or alex fong, i wud realli run over! :p

when i was in hk, i only bought stuff from one place. H&M! they've got nice stuff, and prices are very very reasonable (does not mean cheap ok!) it is like topshop, very chic stuff, but way more reasonably priced. i was in HK for abt 8 days.. i went there 5 days in a row! hahaha! can be spokesperson oredi.

and everyday when i wake up, i wud go yum-cha with my sis and her bf, then go shopping. super tai-tai lifestyle man! was realli having a blast with my sis and her bf. nv thot they wud make such good travel companions!

i am looking forward to my nex trip, hopefully i will get a chance to go back to HK soon.. as u probably haf realised.. i didn't manage to go to my ocean park and disneyland. :( super disappointed but no choice, it was rainign evry other day and it jus made it impossible for us to go. nex time, i swear, i will go!!

gonna start planning for my nex trip for end of this year.. haven't decided where to go.. but will probably be one of the asia countries still. i love asia. :) maybe Beijing.

or back to taiwan. :)

Monday, August 13, 2007

absolutely, absolutely crazy.

i can't think of another word to describe my HK trip. oh wait, maybe insane, madness, incredible will also work. OMG. i jus cannot get over it.

i swear, i wud haf nv imagined my HK trip to turn out this way. i can only say i been blessed. haf been extremely extremely lucky.

before i left for HK, my idea of the trip was, jus to haf fun. fun meaning a lot of shopping, a lot of sightseeing, a lot of clubbing.. and of cuz meeting up with william to see if we actually did haf something brewing between us.

DAY ONE - Rest and Relax
day one after we touched down, we went to cayseway bay for lunch and shopping and dinner. went back early tt night since we all took the morning flight and were feelin tired.

DAY TWO - Moment of Truth
did sparks realli fly between me and william? the answer is no. not that we didn't get along.. we did.. but it was jus the "friends" kinda feeling i had with him. but turns out he had other plans.. i spent a day with him.. he brought me for dim sum at this very awesome restaurant in wan chai (i think). it had good food.. and a very very spectacular view of HK. and there, i ate fish bladder for the first time. soudns gross, right.. but in fact, it tasted quite bland. nothing special. (thankfully.) :p

after that, he took me on a car tour.. from HK island all the way to Sai Kong area. we went to clearwater bay and had some realli nice fresh air. had seafood for dinner and went up the hills at Fei Ngor San to see the HK skyline. unfortunately i ran into the typhoon 8 signal in HK while i was there so it was mostly cloudy, windy and wet. so i didn't get to see the skyline. ended off the day tour with a quick walkthrough in Mongkok.

well i kno all sounds rosy with william tt day but fact is.. he made me real uncomfortable.. he was touchy with me and i cud almost sense lust int he air. Eew. when he sent me home, he asked for a hug (which i felt like i was obliged to give, since he took me out the whole day.. i kno.. stupid to think tt way.) i did, and he moved on to kiss me! i pulled back immediately and gave an awkward smile. it was so not funny. i felt utterly disgusted after tt.

wat did i say, i nv kno how i feel abt someone until i kiss 'em. so now i kno. i do not like william in that way.

he sms-ed to ask for a second date the nex day.. but i told him honestly tt he made me feel uncomfortable and tt was the last i heard of him. Eew. realli eew.

so on the 1st day i was there, des called. asked wat time i reached HK all. we spoke for a while.. talked abt having drinks and maybe dinner. so the 3rd day i was there, we met up. i had talked abt wanting to see his flat.. so he invited me over to his place for dinner. he cooked pasta for us. YES HE COOKED. OMG. i was so surprised tt he did. even tho it's jus pasta.. but still..! yes i was ecstatic tt he cooked for me! but i was more nervous abt seeing him.. alone for the 1st time. felt like a 1st date. which i think it was!

DAY THREE - The 1st time a guy cooks for me!
so we met at 6.30pm.. he came down to the mtr station in wanchai to meet me.. we had dinner at his place.. watched constantine on tv (love tt show!) and talked and talked and talked. i left at 11pm cuz i didn't want to disturb him as he had work the next day. it was nothing too rollercoaster abt tt date.. very nice and relaxed kinda evening. when i reached home, i received his sms to check to see if i got home.. something warm and fuzzy brew inside me. :)

DAY Four - Experience Macau!
nex day i went to macau with my sis and her bf. macau. omg. i dun think i ever wanna go there again. it's jus.. very different from HK. HK is like this big technologically-advanced city with nice and cultured ppl.. but macau.. is jus different. nothing like HK even tho it is only an hour's ferry away. nevertheless, i had my 1st casino experience there.. lost about SGD50. haha. i also had the most amazing dinner there.. crab porridge! i missed it as soon as i finished it!

i was using a HK sim card during my trip.. cuz i thot.. it wud b better since it is prepaid.. (ok, truth is i thot i wud b talking to william a lot.) but i didn't kno the HK sim card wud work all the same when i got into macau.. so i switched back to my SG sim card since it had IDD roaming. when i left macau and got back to HK tt night, i switched my sim card back to the HK one.. and realised tt des has been msging me the whole day! i was quite surprised cuz i realli wasn't expecting to hear from him. the last msg from him was to ask if i was ok, cuz i haven't replied him the entire day. so i quickly replied to say i was using my SG sim card in macau.. felt nice to be missed by des. :)

DAY Five - des, Des, DES!
the nex day, i went shopping in HK with my sis and her bf. we went crazy at H&M. spent like 3 hours there! that night, i was supposed to meet des jus for drinks.. but when i msged him in the afternoon.. he asked if i cud do dinner too. i was more than glad of cuz. so i met him downstairs his hse at wanchai at 8pm.. and we took a cab to central. he suggested dinner at a japanese restaurant there. so we went there.. ordered our food.. and ate.. it was slightly awkward.. cuz i think we cud both feel tt we were nervous at dinner.. but both trying to hide it. haha. but there wasn't any silent moments.. one of us was alwaes talking at some point. we polished up our food pretty quickly too. jus before we were abt to go, i went to the ladies and secretly foot the bill. i thot, since he made me dinner the other day, i shud buy him dinner this round. when i walked back to the table, he was gonna call for the bill when i told him "i've got it". there was shock in his eyes. he started to ramble his "huhs" and "whys" and "whens" and "hows". haha. i jus kept saying, "it's ok, i've got it". and told him he can buy the drinks we have later. he was obviously feeling bad but i cud also sense he was amazed with wat i did. maybe no girl has ever bought him dinner b4?? :p

after dinner, it started to rain again. we walked in the rain under one umbrella.. i was in heels and on the slopes of LKF, i was realli afraid to slip and fall. so i had to grab his arm and walk slowly. he was sweet cuz he walked extremely slowly to make sure i wud not fall.. and watched every step i took to make sure i was fine. *sweet* we reached our 1st pub tt night at this chill out lounge called "The Fong". we got a nice cozy table inside and sipped on our drinks while playing song-guessing games. haha. we spent abt an hour or 2 there before we moved on to our nex pub, a live band pub called "Insomnia". the filippino band in there is amazing! realli good. only thing is.. the pub was filled with filippino prostitutes! i can see all the angmohs in there jus ogling and dying to grope all of them. *yucks* thank god des was with me otherwise i wud realli b freaking out in tt pub.

by the time we were there, we were both quite high from the drinks we had at "The Fong". we sat very close to each other and he had his arms ard me. at that moment, we both knew something was happening between us. when i looked at him, he looked at me the same way.. we stayed close throughout. after 2 sets of the live band, we moved on to our 3rd pub that night. a very very packed and happening club called "Drop". apparently des frequents there since all the bouncers and bartenders knew him when he walked in. we stood close tgt in a corner and nv did he once let go of my hand. i jus realli cudn't believe wat was happening between us. he was saying a lot of things in my ear.. things i nv thot i wud hear from him. but it made me so so happy. by the time we left to go home tt night, we both cud not bear to part from each other! it took a long while before i finally i got into a cab to go home. des called me 3 times when i was in the cab until i reached home.

DAY SIX - 买东西,吃东西,买东西,吃东西!
on the 6th day i was there, i went out with my sister and her bf, shopping and eating again. :p ah.. holidays. simply the best trend humans ever started! i was living a tai-tai everyday.. yum-cha and shopping all day. :p des was quiet throughout that day. the only thing in my mind was.. he was playing with me. all the things he said the night before.. he nv meant them. the day went by.. and he msged me only around 9pm. to say he was out with his frens.. and later tt night he called me for a short chat.. nothing much.

friday came.. the 7th day i was there. fiona had touched down in HK the day before and so i met up with her tt day. we went out the whole day and arranged to meet up later tt night for clubbing.

before tt, i had dinner at home with my sister, her bf and her bf's family. nice and cosy. after tt i went out with my sis and her bf for KTV with his frens. WA LAO. the ktv in HK is so awesome! nothing like Singapore! 1st of all, their KTVs are spotlessly clean. and each room has their OWN restroom!!! wa lao! super ATAS can! and their sound system, like holding ur own mini concert kind, SUPER CLEAR! and the best of all is, u can choose to sing with the original singer of the duet u choose! so, i choose all the 方力申 duets with stephy and sang them with 方力申! super cool!! i dunno how they program their songs for this but it's reali super cool. if u r a guy and wanna sing it with stephy, u can too!! and and and, their TVs are all PLASMAS!! and it's the BIG kind! *faint* super super cool la!

at abt 1.30am tt day, i went down to meet des and his frens at "Drop" again. fiona came too. it was a bit awkward at 1st.. cuz i dunno wat he was thinking abt us. but later tt night, he explained tt he didn't kno wat to.. cuz he wants to be with me but he can't.. he is working in HK and I am in SG.. so how?

it's like after so long.. we finally caught each other at a good time. 6 years ago when i 1st met him, he was attached.. so nothing happened between us even tho it was obvious we both liked each other. 4 years later when he broke up with his gf, i was attached. he had tried to let me know tt he liked me but there was nothing i cud do, i was attached then. another 2 years later.. i broke up with my bf and he was still single.. so it seemed so natural tt we wud get back in touch and pick things up from where we left off.. not like we started anything to begin with.

but now tt the distance is our issue.. we jus dun realli kno wat to do. one thing for sure, we kno we like each other a lot. but tt's all we are sure abt for now.

tt day, i reached home only at 7am. super shacked. but the long talk with des at his place was worth it. at least now i kno where our r'ship stands. we're jus taking it one step at a time, slow and easy. and i am quite comfortable with tt. :)

DAY EIGHT - 最后的冲刺!
on the 8th day i was in HK, i went out to do all the last minute shopping. had a nice dinner with my sis's bf's family in causeway bay.. and went home early to apck since my flight was early nex morning at 9am. des msged me a lot tt day.. :) the nex morning when i woke at at 5.30 to pack and get ready to leave for the airport, he called me to chat for a while too.. we talked mostly non-impt stuff.. but it felt good to hear his voice.

lucky for me, des will be in town this week. :) he happens to be clearing leave, and coming back to SG to celebrate his birthday this wed. touching down tonight. i think tonight i wun b able to sleep! feeling super excited oredi. he's oredi asked me out to dinner on tuesday and thursday. :)

lastly, wanna apologise to those reading this entry. it is super lovey-dovey, even i can't stand it. but.. i jus need to record it down for my own reference. :p hope all survived. dun ind if no one finished reading it too, i totally understand!

i will be eagerly waiting for my nex entry too. :)

Thursday, August 02, 2007

好想他。。真的好想,好想他。。 不过,我不会让这感觉动摇我的决心。我说过的,我要找回那坚强,有自信的自己。我不会再为任何人而活,我要为我自己而活。

这个住在我心里面的魔鬼, 实在很可怕。他只要一出现,我就会失去我所有的防备。。 我会变得不知所错。。 不知道自己想干什么。但这烦人的魔鬼。。 就是不肯走开。。不管我怎么想尽办法不让他干扰我的思绪。。 我还是会被他打败。

再过两天我就要去香港了。。 突然之间。。 我没有了那充满期待的心情。像是没有他,我根本哪都不想去。反正做什么,都不会开心的。我真的好想不要再想他了。。 但是那讨厌的魔鬼就是不肯放过我。。 我觉得好难受。。 好难受。。

希望当星期六到来的时候,我不再是陷在这样的心情当中。。 我只想放开所有的烦恼,好好的玩一次。。 难道我真的不能这样做吗?


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

had lunch with fiona today.. and after talking for 2 hours with her.. i realised all the men that has come into my life the past month, are all men from the past. jason, zhong li, nicholas, except only william who is the new addition. :p i dun seem to be capable of moving away from my past.

as the days draw nearer to my HK trip, my mind is more and more in a rollercoaster ride. i am happy to be going.. but he is keeping my mind here.. i dun miss him, but i still think abt him, i dun love him, but i still care for him. i dun wan to get back, but i still wanna hear from him. i'm jus neither here nor there.

btu now i kno, i can do without him after all. the world is still functioning, my life is still living. nothing much has changed, except i dun haf someone to ramble to, tt's all. in fact, things haf gotten a lil bit better. i haf my own space now, which i seem to haf forgotten how much i loved it. i haf sacrificed my own likes for him in the past. i am slowly finding my life back.. finding back tt very strong person i used to be. i allow myself to be weak when he is around.. but tt weak person is gone now. :) i no longer cry at night before i sleep.. i caught myself singing a Sammi song last night just before i shut my eyes. :)

jus the way he is handling it is so wrong. like tony said, "silence periods like these are nv useful, the longer it is being dragged, the worse it becomes." and i absolutely agree with tt. problems shud b solved immediately. if u leave it alone, not only will it not get solved, after some time, u forget wat this "break" was for. wat purpose does tt serve? at least nothing for me. i jus dunno wat he has to think abt for so long. it's a simple yes or no to me. if i haf to weigh all the pros and cons, i wud jus screw it. it probably isn't worth my time at all.

only thing i can conclude, is tt he does not haf the guts to tell me wat he realli wants to say. so he is jus leaving it there, not thinking abt it, not touching it. and tt to me, is totally unfair. i am not gonna sit ard and wait, i am moving on. this time with a smile on my face. i am welcoming my new life with open arms, and an open mind. like ADIDAS says, IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING!

ladies and gentlemen, i am back.