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♫ Stuff In My Head ♫

Monday, February 27, 2012

39 Weeks

Hello! I know I know, it's been way too long. If there is still anyone out there reading this, I am very sorry I haven't been here for so long!

I stopped working since CNY to rest and of course, prepare for bubbs' arrival. Only this week do I feel like I have everything covered. Before that, it was like everyday I realized I forgot something. :S I think I declared 'I'm ready!' to hubbs about 10 times before he stopped believing me. Haha.

So now that I finally have everything (fingers crossed), it's down to the waiting game. Bubbs' estimated due date is Mar 5 and if he doesn't come on that day, we are going to induce his birth on Mar 6, which is hubbs' birthday! Which means I have exactly 1 more week to go. :)

I realized how vain I am when I start turning down dinner invitations, wedding celebrations or any kind of social event I am invited to. I just can't bear to be seen in my current state. Even I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. I have put on 14kg so far and in my last trimester I seem to be putting on 1kg every week. :( it is very disheartening for me since I don't know if I am going to be able to lose all these weight post-pregnancy. Truth is, I have never weighed this much in my life before, my face has never been so bloated, my arms have never looked bigger and I am more upset about it than I should be. I cannot help it. Even my own mother, when she sees me every 2 weeks or so, she will ask me to stop eating so much. It hurts me cuz why can't she understand that i am pregnant, not fat. :(

Those who don't see me as often, will comment that I look like 2 different persons, pre-pregnancy and now that I am pregnant. I don't know what they are expecting me to react to that, laugh it off? Well, I do but inside I am sobbing.

Honestly, at the end of the day, it could just be pregnancy hormones, that's making me ultra sensitive. But having being treated like a fat person, I have learnt not to comment on someone's weight, pregnant or not. It is very mean, whether or not your comments are harmless or intentional.

As usual, I am glad I have hubbs with me all the time to defend my weight. He has been so supportive throughout, I just cannot be grateful enough. He looks at my stretch marks and tells me these are our fruits of love and that when he sees them, he only see beauty in them. And I cry about being fat, he tells me he will eat twice as much as me so that I will look slim next to him. It's very hard to be upset about myself and be so selfish to only think about myself when you have such a supportive husband. So after a while, other people's comments stopped bothering me so much. Cuz only 1 person's opinion matters to me and everything else is secondary.

This doesn't mean I am going to let myself go after pregnancy, just cuz hubbs doesn't mind whatever becomes of me. At this point I am committed to get back in shape as soon as I deliver and I hope I will be able to keep up with my determination then!

But for now, I am going to continue eating my ice-cream and chocolates to fatten bubbs up before he comes. (He's a bit on the small side.) I hope to have pictures of bubbs in my next post! :D