kellykylie

i need to stop being paranoid but i realli dunno how to. :(

the dowager was out of town for abt 2 weeks and returned last night. when i heard that *he* was going to pick her up from the airport, my fury jus exploded in my heart. how come everytime she returns from out of town, the whole family has to go and pick her up? the last time i returned from out of town, he didn't even come to pick me up. WHY? he said he to work. so how come he didn't haf to work last night??

and bcuz i am in my paranoia, i am beginning to suspect the real reason why he did not offer to take me to Shanghai and HK with him in Jan next year is cuz he did not want to infuriate the dowager. perhaps the dowager wud not haf been pleased abt that. me and her son on a holiday tgt without her.

and now that she is back, i am dreading the mornings again.

every morning, i wud wait for *him* to either sms me, "I'm up" or "I reach office oredi". this normally happens between 10am to 11am. the time now is 12.07pm and i still haf not heard from him all morning. the reason being he is home with the dowager, talking. they talk every morning, they nv run out of topics. it kills me to alwaes wonder and guess wtf they talk abt.

is *he* pouring out r'ship woes to her? work woes? financial woes? WHAT!! stuff he doesn't tell me abt??!!! omg, i go crazy working my mind on these senseless thots but i dunno how to stop it! i realli hate feeling this way but when it comes to the dowager, i jus get totally insecure and paranoid.

i get upset not even knowing wat is going on the whole morning for him and lamenting why he has not bothered to send me one sms all morning!

i feel small.

i feel invisible.

i feel insignificant.

it's a horrible friday.



post-script: turns out he reached office bright and early.. and didn't call/msg cuz he forgot his phone.. see, paranoia gets you nowhere!!! glad i didn't call and lash out at him! :p