不自爱的人

i've alwaes thot abt this, but nv had a good occasion to broach the subject.

how do parents raise their daughters to be 自爱 (modest)?

more imptly, i think my parents have done a great job in imparting this moral trait to my sister and i. my father has been very protective of my sister and i ever since we were born and alwaes educated us abt how to behave with/ard men, wateva we do. (and probably the very reason why he insisted for both of us to be enrolled into an all-girls school for more than 10 years.) those moral lessons that my father gave us had a big impact on my life until today and instilled in me such a strong believer in protecting my own modesty.

and of cuz, speaking up for myself when it is outraged. i wud nv let such a scum of a man get away with outraging my modesty!

because of this, i totally feel that my sister and i are the most 自爱 ppl ard.. and maybe for my case, i am overly 自爱! that's why i am ultra sensitive to those 不自爱 ppl!

i say that because i have come across soooo many 不自爱 girls in my lifetime. and *he* wud definitely agree with me that the question i ask him the most is not "do you love me" or "am i fat" but "why are there so many 不自爱 girls ard".

i dunno why, but girls like them totally turn me off.

*he* has this colleague that is the best example of a 不自爱 girl to date. she literally throws herself at ALL her male colleagues at every possible opportunity.

when the company goes for a night out at the club, she wud dirty dance with any willing guy. EVEN IF THE GF OF THE GUY IS IN THERE WITH THEM! how is this acceptable??? ok maybe the guy also a bit dumb, gf in the same room still go humping another girl. but this does not mean the girl is not at fault!

when she walks past a guy and accidentally hits his head with her waving hand, she drops him a kiss on his forehead as a form of her apology. and mind u, this is not a swinging bachelor kinda guy, this is a guy who is married! her actions is so inappropriate and unacceptable! what if his wife was in the same room and witnessed this?? i dunno if she is too flirtatious to care or she simply is a tactless person. and also, wat makes her think all men yearns to be touched and kissed by her?!?!?

at this point, there will be ppl out there thinking, "wat's wrong with the above? i see nothing wrong wat.." well then i am sad to say u r probably one of those 不自爱 ppl. u obviously dunno wat it means to be 自爱 and THIS IS ALL WRONG!

sometimes i think i am way too conservative. i am absolutely mindful of everything that happens ard me in terms of protecting my modesty and i dun see how other ppl can't do it??

i alwaes keep a safe distance from men. be it standing in line, sitting inside the mrt or even waiting for the light to turn green at junctions. i am alwaes mindful that i do not give them a chance to touch me unnecessarily and then have them turn around to say that i was standing too near to them, etc etc.

when i take lifts, i avoid taking them with a single man. why shud i give them a chance to be alone with me in a confined space and attract unwanted attention?

and for something closer to home, for most, i believe.. (i find this a good benchmark to judge if a person is 自爱 or not.) wat do u do when u find out someone is interested in you?

do you:
Type A - act blur abt it and continue to go out with him and give in to his advances (meet him for lunch, go for movies with just the 2 of u), refuse him when he initiates a relationship but STILL go out with him as "FRIENDS"?

or,
Type B - reject him from the start and draw a clear line.. at least no more private outings with him alone..

if u r Type A, u r certainly a 不自爱 person.. why do u want to do something like this for??? u r encourging someone to go on falling for u knowing u wud nv reciprocate it. that is downright wrong and mean!

needless to say, i am Type B. and a tough one at that. everytime i find out i have an admirer, i distant myself from him. and if that doesn't work, i will make sure i say things that makes it clear that things are impossible between us. i wud not even sms/chat with him on the phone.. not to mention going on a movie date with him!

see, i told u i was extreme. but so far, i am happy with this protective bubble that i have built ard myself. and it has not failed me since. to me, this is the basic rule of humanity and moral values.. and it is instilled so deep into me that it is a part of my everyday life, like i mentioned above, even when i am walking on the streets or taking the train.

i regard my modesty in the higest esteem in terms of moral values.. more than traits like honesty and integrity.

have we not been taught from young that that is the most impt thing abt being a girl?

but u wud be surprised to learn that even grown women, to this day, do not learn. sad to say, these women are often the ones who cause their own modesties to be outraged. if u make it so easy for ur predator to move in on u, who can u blame but urself?

and i am even more sorry to say that this blog post has only just begun..

some of u may have read TNP lately and saw the story abt this girl having gotten molested on a bed in a hotel room in korea, by a friend of hers for 2 years.

if u have not read abt this news yet, u wud be feeling sorry for this girl at this point.

but think abt it, why was she alone in the room with the guy and sleeping on the same bed as him?

and get this, here is a guy who has chased her for the past 2 years.. and he gets personally invited by the girl herself to a trip to korea with her. and this same girl books a hotel room with a double bed and shares the room with him. (apparently this happened due to a miscommunication with the hotel, it was supposed to be a twin-bedroom.)

ok now tell me - is this girl pitiful for wat happened to her or was she jus asking for it??? she is an classic example of a 不自爱 person! there are so many things that could have been done to prevent this from happening, such as the following:

1. 1st of all, who asked her to travel with a guy? she shud have asked a gf along, not a guy! and much less one that likes u! it is leading the guy on and inviting him to molest u, or even rape u!

2. if the hotel reservations went wrong, why did she not have the rooms switched? or go to another hotel? she risked her own modesty being outraged by agreeing to share the same bed with him! and come on, he is a guy after all.. we all know that they think with their dumb sticks at times.. and hence it is up to us to alwaes be in control of the situation, and ultimately to protect ourselves from likely harm.

3. if the guy does not offer to sleep on the sofa/floor, cud u not have offered? it is not ur fault that he is ungentlemanly, but u need not be punished for his shortcomings right? by not saying anything to suggest that u do not want him on the same bed as u is as good as consenting it!

there are one million more things that cud have been done to prevent this.. but this silly girl let all of those things go and ended up being molested. and i can't believe she even had the cheek to go and tell her friends abt wat a horrible thing happening to her. does she not realise that SHE made it happen??

i find it hard to feel pity for her.

and TNP published this story 2 days in a row. and the 2nd day showcased the guy's side of the story. it led to many other revelations abt their "relationship" and made me doubt more abt this girl's character cuz i find his story much more believeable.

she is truly a disgrace to singaporean girls.

this case has now gone public and the guy is suing her for defamation and she is suing him for molestation. gonna be a good show and i hope the Women's Charter will open their eyes on this case and not shelter her blindly.

this is jus my personal take on this matter, for full details on this story, go read here: http://jean.sg before she closes her blog.

some women jus needs to be taught a lesson.