a whole new world!

it's weird. i feel awfully fine these days.. think i gotta thank him for that. he's ignored me so much that i am beginning to get used to sms-ing my messages to space (cuz he doesn't reply them) and calling a number just to hear it ring forever (cuz he nv picks up). i used to get realli hurt that he wud not reply my sms-es nor answer my calls.. but the last time i msged him, i expected a non-reply.. (which i did, of cuz) and from tt day on, i seem to haf recovered from my crying fits and warped mentality that seemed only capable to be thinking of him.

maybe this was his aim, to ignore me so i wud give up. congratulations to him, it worked. i jus hope he is happy abt this, and not miserable abt it inside. after putting me thru all this pain, one of us had better feel good abt it, and it certainly isn't me.

however, i wun say i haf gotten over it completely. it's been less than a month, and i am not wonder woman. but i have been feeling better these couple of days. when i think of him, i tell myself, this is normal, i jus gotta give myself time to get used to not having him in my head. no need to cry over it, right? when i see things tt remind me of him, i tell myself, tt's normal, after all i did every freaking thing with him! very hard to find something tt wud not remind me of him. plus, i'm probably reminded only cuz my mind is willing it.. given time, i'll be fine. when i feel lonely, i think abt all those times i didn't haf my own space.. and now tt i do.. i shud realli appreciate it while it lasts. who knows if we get back tgt the next day, i will be back in that shithole where i haf no space, literally, for myself at all. lastly, when i feel like i realli want someone to love me, i think of william, he is such a sweetheart. i wud imagine in my mind, all the rendezvous-ing tt we can do when i go to HK in Aug. :p and.. of cuz.. the ultimate attraction in HK.. has got to be Des!!! :p after all, wat is being single without flirting??

i kno i sound like i haf totally gotten over him. tt, of cuz, is not true. back of my head, i still think abt getting back with him, still check my phone if i haf messages/missed calls from him, still hope tt he will get in touch with me.. but truth is, i haf oredi tried my best.. the rest is up to him.. wat's left are things i cannot will to happen. so i'm jus trying to hide this part of my emotions underneath my big wide smile. maybe we will get back, maybe we will not. i realli dun wanna think abt it for now.. jus wanna take and enjoy each day as it comes.

the best way to get over a r'ship quickly, is to start a new one. but well, i wanna make sure i realli like tt person.. and that it is not a rebound.. plus only when i haf truly gotten over him, will i look into starting a new relationship. so i am treading my ground very very carefully. :)

so come join me, and celebrate my new found freedom. and possibly, a whole new life ahead.