l o s t . . . .. .. . .....

how did all that happen so quickly?

i rem meeting him for the 1st time at jos's plc during CNY..
i rem dashing across the road from Somerset MRT to Peranakan Place with him behind me, watching out for the cars.. almost thot he wud hold my hand..
i rem sitting on changi beach with his frens, when he reached out to hold me..
i rem sitting in his room, trying to study for my exams but not being able to concentrate feeling his glances on me..
i rem sneaking up on him while he was still sleeping.. tt innocent, happy look on his face..
i rem his baby blur tee-shirt, the one tt smells of his bath soap..
i rem him stroking my hair while watching tv..
i rem him giggling in my ears at st. james..
i rem him hugging me so tight when i am sleeping that i woke up..
i rem him whispering "i love you" into my ears when i am sleeping, thinking i didn't hear them..
i rem him buying me an iPod and hiding it in the fridge..
i rem quarelling about the iPod cuz it was so expensive and he did not want to buy it for me..
i rem him lying to me abt not telling his mom anything abt us..
i rem him working so hard every other weekend that he neglected me..
i rem him gg out for his fren's wedding dinner and getting home dead drunk..
i rem him saying the meanest things to me when we argued..
i rem him ignoring my pleas and cries to talk to me..
i rem him taking off for holidays on his own with his colleagues, and not taking me along..
i rem him getting angry over me getting angry..
i rem him telling his mother almost everything tt goes on his life.. and not me..
i rem him watching soccer every other weekend night and not spending quality time with me..
i rem him playing soccer every sunday morning, falling asleep after he came home and not spending any time with me on sundays..
i rem begging him to talk to me when he refused to..
i rem waiting for him downstairs his office, but he refused to see me..
i remember feeling so hurt that he would leave me in such a sad state and not care and my feelings..
i rem him getting upset over a misunderstanding and not allowing me to explain..
i remember struggling with the thot to break up with him..
i rem seeing him after we broke up, that relieved look on his face..

i rem how much i loved him.. and how much he loved me..

i rem telling myself not to think back on all these and move forward..

cuz they are nv coming back.. those feelings, emotions.. and him..

4 years and 25 days of my life.. just disappeared.. gone..