kellykylie

been feeling kind of depressed lately. am attributing it to the loneliness i haf been feeling, being on my own most of the time these days.

but if u ask me if i wanna move back to stay with my mom/sis/bro, my answer wud b a straight no. i feel lonely sometimes, yes, but i'd rather b lonely than to be in a hse full of quarrels day in day out. plus, i realli suspect my sister has schizophrenia (dunno how to spell). and i hate it most when she takes it out on me. telling me the flaws of my personality, just to make herself feel better, i think. i find that very very disturbing and i refuse to the target of her senseless personal attacks. so, i dun talk to her as much i can when she is in such a mood.

and because lately she has been in one of her moods again, we haven't been talking for a few weeks now. she has been busy preparing for her wedding and she has left me out of it completely. and i kno, that is the main reason why i haf been feeling depressed lately. :( but i try my best not to be affected. i try.

on top of which, i am room-hunting. gonna haf to move out of the place i am staying in before end of this year, which gives me abt 2 months or less to look for a place that is convenient, affordable and most imptly, DECENT. i am afraid of wat kind of housemates i will b living with.. but as long as the room has a lock (which i will try to double lock in case the landlord/hsemate has a spare key) i will feel safer. i realli wonder when i haf to live my life like that until, moving from place to place. :(

it's a bit sad and a bit weird.. but i feel like i can't tell him abt all my worries and concerns.. he does not seem capable of dealing with this side of me.. when i speak with that tinge of sadness in my voice, he gets a bit impatient. if i wanna tell him abt my problems, i haf to make sure i tell him in a happy voice. and that, to me, is difficult. why issit like that? :(

yday i met my auntie for dinner at Mushroom Pot, our fave haunt. (nat heard it as "Mushroom Park" when i told her last night, haha!) after which, we walked over to HMV from orchard point.. we had only wanted to walk ard, make fun of ppl and CD covers.. but we ended up at the cantonese oldies section and stayed there for a good 45 min i think. we picked up a few classic oldies that were truly quite a find and had a good laugh at some of them. we found 郭富城's 1st few albums and as we went through the song titles, we realised we could sing almost all of them. *gasp!* we had been closet fans of 郭富城! HAHA. i ended buying the one with the tracklist as follows:

1。我不认输
2。到底有谁能够告诉我
3。勇敢接受我的爱
4。Tell Me Why
5。午夜的吻别
6。Heart Breaker
7。我要给你全部的爱
8。喜欢就说爱
9。很难过还是要告诉你
10。Good Times & Bad Times

Damn retro! lately cuz of the 陈伟廉 song (which i think is a total rip off) i have fallen back in love with the 郭富城 song (到底有谁能够告诉我). actually i am quite sure i had the cassette of this 郭富城 album back when i was in primary school.. but i wud obviously not haf it with me anymore by now. and i thot it wud b worth the investment to get the cd now since there are many songs tt i love from this album. :) ironically, i hate 郭富城 now. a bit gay leh. too much botox also. dun like. :(

it's going to be hard but i am gg to admit it. i also bought a leon lai cd. HAHAHA. haf to la, he is my childhood hero leh. the cassette that i used to haf of this album i bought, even worse.. i listened until the tapes were spoilt!! i had to secretly buy another copy and put it back into my mom's collection and nv touch it again cuz of the phobia. i will nv forgot the feeling of hearing his voice go "ee... ewww.." then dead. and when i opened up my walkman to inspect wat went wrong, i saw that my walkman was vomitting tapes!! HAHA. too much shock for a primary sch student! primary sch student buying a cassette was considered a splurge back in those days. i was too scared to spoil another cassette!

thank god i will not haf such problems with my cd now. HAHA.

then of cuz, the reason i went to HMV was also to check out Eason's new album.. which i got too. a bit disappointing.. but i still love him. *dreams..*

almost wanted to get Silverchair's new album "Straight Lines" which swept awards at the recent ARIAS. supposedly the best album of their career so far. but it is a whopping 40 bucks. too ex, cannot convince myself to buy it. *maybe i dun love them so much anymore.*

but after this cd shopping spree, i felt guilty again, bought too much. spent too much. :(

think rest of the month haf to survive on air lo.