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♫ Stuff In My Head ♫

Sunday, October 02, 2011

You are responsible for the LOVE you make.

Today, a friend I see about twice to thrice a year called to congratulate me on my pregnancy. Our husbands know each other so she told me she heard it from him.

We had a good conversation about babies (she has 2 daughters, a 3-yo and a 5-mth old) and how it feels being a 1st time mom when we ventured into the sufferings on the 1st trimester.

I told her I had a lot of discomforts like nausea, cramps, insomnia and extreme fatigue. She told me she was the same during her 1st pregnancy. Then I told her I am much better now, at 18 weeks. Almost all my symptoms are gone and it is indeed the "honeymoon trimester".

Then she said, "But you didn't say that to your husband, right?"

I reply, "Huh? What do you mean? That I feel better already? Of course, I did!"

She quickly follows after me, "Aiya, you shouldn't! You should continue to tell him you are still having headache, nausea, cramps whatever! You know, this will be the only time they are going to pamper us! After that, you will be like invisible already! All they care about is their new child!"

After I heard that, I felt very sorry for her. Her husband sounds like a jerk! I did not tell her that I don't think my husband will be like hers, because even when I was not pregnant, he was very sweet to me. I don't see why things would change after we have a child. In fact, I believe things won't change. My husband will be a great father and husband, if not an even BETTER husband to me!

So as not to hurt her feelings, I simply replied, "Really? Oh no! Ok I will tell him I am not feeling well today."

And after that, she went on to talk about giving her babies' old clothes to me. Which I gladly accepted, of course.

I wonder if what she says is true. If it is, it would be very scary. It's ironic cuz I thought building a family is supposed to further bond the couple closer. If it drives them apart then why do we start a family for?

I have always known that the key to a happy family, is to have happy parents. Because, without happy parents in a family, is akin to not having a family at all. If you both decided to start a family, then I think it is both your responsibility to make sure the family is well-taken care of not just financially, but also emotionally.

After I have my own family, my top priority will not be to nurture my children (although that will be important also), but to maintain a good relationship with my husband. My husband will always be my top priority. Because 20, 30 years down the road, he will be the one there to sit by my side and hold my hand through thick and thin for the rest of our remaining years. Not my children. Or rather, I do not want to depend on my children in that way. To me, the relationship I have with my husband is more important than the one with my children.If we don't take care of it now, when the time comes and it is left with the 2 of us alone again, it will be too late to repair the relationship. We may no longer even have kind words for each other. I do not want that to happen.

It is easy for me to say this now cuz I have yet to have my own children. I do not know yet how great the love for my children could be. So I hope this post will serve as a reminder to myself to not forget the very basics of a happy family, and what I will owe to my children for bringing them into this world: to give them a happy family! :)


one little journey said...

glad that you're feeling better and oh! big CONGRATS before i forget :)

kellykylie said...