A love named lust.

I just accidentally ran into an ex-lover online. I use the word "lover" cuz we were never officially together. Like Facebook says, it's complicated.

U know how there is always this 1 guy (or maybe 2) lurking around at the back of your mind, no matter the fact that you are now happily attached with someone else?

It's not that you are not over the guy or that you wish things could have turned out differently, but you just can't forget him.

It may be the words he said to you, the smell of his hair, the way he looked at you or simply your 1st encounter with him, something about him makes you go soft and wuzzy everytime you think about him, even tho it is long over.

I saw his picture online today.. and my heart stopped. I had forgotten what it does to me, from the 1st time I saw him, to every other time that we went out and up until the last time I saw him, and knowing it was going to be the last, he never failed to sweep me off my feet.

I don't know what it is about him, he makes me catch my breath every time we are together. I have never felt so intense with anybody else ever. It is that feeling of such an exciting rush that keeps me from forgetting abt him completely.

Of cuz, I figured somewhere along the way that it was not love, but lust.

And seeing his picture.. it makes my mind run wild.

W I L D .

I do need to get a hobby now, don't I?

Send some flowers my way!

my empty heart..

Green Apples Day

I wonder...

I, Robot.

Things haven't been smooth lately:
1. Boss has been PMS-ing at work for more than a month now.
2. I screwed up really bad at work and point no. 1 doesn't help.
3. I am mourning the death of a 14 year-old friendship. (Which still means something to me though things ended really badly. I can't help it, 我是一个很感性的人。)
4. I haven't seen my family for almost a month now, thanks to some inconsiderate human beings who thinks the world revolves around their family only.
5. I feel like I am having a near-30s crisis. I feel a lost of direction and I don't really know where I belong in this world.

The hubby is going away for a week starting tomorrow.. I am dreading and looking forward to it all at the same time. This will intensify my feelings of loneliness lately but will also give me a lot more me-time to do some self-exploration and soul-searching.

And I mean that literally cuz I dunno where my soul's gone to these days. I am like a robot, lifeless and just going about with the daily routines.

And what do you know, robots can't smile. At least this one here can't, I know.

永远不回头

最近跟一个认识十四年的朋友断绝来往。。 虽然自己知道这并不是一件坏事。。 但是还是忍不住会觉得痛心，为我们的友谊而感到可惜。

当你对一个人已经没办法感到尊敬或认同她所做的决定时，你是否还能继续跟她做好朋友呢？

对我来说，那是一件不可能的任务。

你可以说是我太执着，也可以说我太放不开。可是我就是不能背叛自己的原则，违背自己的良心。我真的做不到。

生命是你自己的。我不能告诉你该怎么活。如果你做的决定是因为必不得已，环境所逼，我一定陪你走完你选择走的路。但是，如果你做的决定是因为你自私，要面子，那我只能更你说一声对不起，我真的没办法站在你身边支持你。

你是我见过这么多人当中最丑陋的一个。我从来没有想过，一个人可以这么狠，这么绝，这么自私的对待她的朋友。

我也从来没有对一个人这么失望过。现在我只想走得远远的。离你越远越好。我也尽量不回头。不想让我们之间的一些美好回忆影响我现在做的决定。

虽然我不赞同你的做法，但是我尊重你的决定。希望你也能尊重我的决定。

让我们永远不再见。 Have a nice life.

我很爱我自己，看得出吗？

She is being manipulated.

If there's anything I hate, it is ASSUMPTIONS. I know I know, I make them all the time. But at least I don't say them to a room of 20 ppl and make it sound like I know it for a fact, when it is truly an ASSUMPTION!

I refer to the hot topic in the press, Irene Kng, Wendy Chong, Foyce Le etc. I refuse to name the main person who caused this scandal cuz it will dirty my blog. (and maybe generate unwanted traffic. haha!)

I have to say that the way Mdm Kng has handled this whole affair, calls for a lot of my respect. I am seeing extra-marital affairs from a different POV because of her. I do not know for what reason she chose to do what she did, but it was very brave and to a certain extent, her acts are of and for love. Like she says, love for her family, love for her marriage and love for her kids. (Love for her husband, I dunno abt that.)

When a parent strays, it is not only abt the parents, there are many other factors to consider when it comes to thinking of a solution. And to me, a break-up should never be considered as one of the options of a solution. Even in the case of an adultery. Unless, of course, if it involves multiple cheating cases and a repent-less husband, then it is a different story. But if the parent who cheated is remorseful and willing to change, I don't see why it doesn't deserve a second chance. After all, human beings err. Must one person be judged so harshly based on just one mistake that he/she makes? What more the person we are talking about is the person closest to you. Is it so easy to just break-up?

All those years that you have toiled together, all those memories that you share with each other, all the things that you have both built together in your marriage and your family and your home. It will all account to nothing if we just throw them all away, just because of a moment's folly/anger.

Most imptly, all the love that you have for each other, can it really disappear overnight, just like that?

Sometimes forgiving and staying together is the better option. Though it does not seem that way in a short-term POV. And in Mdm Kng's case, she has gone above and beyond in trying to salvage her marriage and her family's happiness. She holds the key to her family's happiness and the decision she makes will change all of their lives forever. And I believe she knows that.

I believe that LOVE can conquer all, and that as long as you love each other, you can overcome anything. Why destroy it when you are given a chance to make it stronger?

So what is so wrong about her forgiving her husband? I don't understand the furore that has resulted from this whole saga abt Mdm Kng forgiving her husband. Honestly, the family belongs to her, the husband belongs to her, HER LIFE BELONGS TO HER. Who are we to tell her what she should have done or should not?? (The 1st page of yesterday's "Life" section on the Straits Times really got to me with its headline: "Why do women forgive?" And to that, a 2nd person announced to the room of 20 people: "Because we are stupid!" Excuse me, how about, "Because we are looking at the farsight" or "Because we care about our children" or simply cause, "Because I love my husband"?)

And those ppl who make assumptions that "she is being manipulated". Do these people have no love in their lives to understand such a simple logic?

*Most of us will never truly know what goes on in their household but I chose to believe this kinder version of events that I have conjured in my head. Yes, I am also making an assumption but at least I am not shouting in a room for everyone in it to agree with me.

My Favourite Red-Carpeter@Oscars 2010

I haven't decided, Nicole's ultra cool bohemian-glam or Miley Cyrus' (I honestly hate her) typical yet classy princess frock. Which do you prefer or who is your favourite red-carpeter at the Oscars?The front of the dress.

The lovely back. :)

Feeling all girly, anyone? (What a flattering colour on her!)

I thought I made myself damn CLEAR.

"We will be home late on Saturday so it will be better to have it on Friday night instead."

Which part of the sentence above makes it unclear that WE ARE NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO MAKE IT ON SATURDAY?!

Seriously, only my in-laws are capable of screwing up something so simple. SO DAMN SIMPLE. I AM NOT FREE ON SATURDAY!!!! Can you understand that?!

As usual, thanks to them for giving away my surprise and RUINING MY PLANS for Saturday (and throwing away my money for me).

No I mean it. FVCKING THANKS.

Life "LIVE"