Of Bananas and Fruitcakes

I had a very turbulent time last week. To be honest, I kept thinking it was because of my husband. I suddenly had panic attacks about our marriage. I started to think I married too young, and that I was now stuck cuz of that decision I made without even thinking twice.

But I also knew I had many things going on last week and the truth was I had not been able to find anyone close to me to talk about it. And since I thought this was about my husband, he was not one of the people I would look to talk to, though I know for sure he would have dropped everything just to listen to me for a while, had I asked.

So by Friday night, I was literally a volcano waiting to erupt. I had the most horrible day at work, provoked by Banana-face (a colleague@work) who is everything I hate in a girl.

When the husband came home, I just blew up at him, not abt what I was unhappy abt with us (which I still was not able to tell what exactly I was unhappy abt) but abt Banana-face, whom I believed to the bones that she was sent from hell to destroy me.

As I talked to him, tears fell endlessly but as those tears fell, it was like my misery was pouring out of my body. The more I cried, the better I felt. And then all of a sudden, I was back to my old self. Full of love and awe of my husband and how glad I was that he was here with me, despite all the evil things I thought abt when I could not figure out what was causing my temporary depression.

It hit me then that it was my work that was driving me nuts, not him! And the reason why I could not put a finger on my "problem" with him was cuz there wasn't any to begin with! I was just looking at the wrong place. Or perhaps everything at home has been so smooth that even I can't believe it. There had to be something wrong! And so round and round I went in my head, trying to create a problem between us. I can't believe how stupid I've been the past week!

It had nothing to do with marrying too young and not thinking twice abt it. And I hadn't thought twice about it cuz that was how sure I am about marrying this man! And I know I haven't made the wrong choice. He is still the one.

But this really set me thinking.. how scary! one person's thought can change everything. That you can become convinced by yourself when what you are thinking is totally untrue. Had I insisted that I was right about me marrying too young, the night he came home, we would have been sure to go into a big fight and who knows what would have become of us today? Cuz surely, to have said anything like that to someone so close to you would hurt like a bitch and not many couples can survive such fights and carry on with their relationship like nasty words haven't been exchanged.

But it is even scarier to know that you don't know yourself very well. How I was not able to tell what was causing my depression, I cannot understand.

Well, it could be because I have been too comfortable in my previous job that I forgot what it was like to have politics in the work place. Or it could simply have been PMS. I swear, it came and went, just like that!

Anyhow, you can be sure that you will be seeing a lot of mention of Banana-face on my blog from now on.

My gloves are so OFF!