Hello 2010

I apologise for the very long hiatus.. I was going through a difficult time since late Oct last year which lasted all the way until Jan this year.

You see, I was pregnant. the 1st trimester was extremely difficult for me with a lot of morning sickness (which lasted all through the day and night), nausea and loss of appetite. I was losing weight and having difficulty getting around due to the dizzy spells and discomfort caused by nausea. So if you asked me out and I said no during that time, pls forgive me, I really only wanted to curl up in bed all day.

And when I was almost nearing the end of my 1st trimester, the doctor discovered that they cud not detect a heartbeat in my tummy. So that was when the roller-coaster ride began. There were many emotions and factors involved. Sadness, guilt, confusion, anger and fear. Sometimes they came all at once. Some days I just cried and cried until I had nothing left to cry. Some days I just do my usual stuff, trying to be as normal as possible. Other days I just sat there and thought about all the possible outcomes, and start crying. and the cycle repeats.

It didn't help that some ppl around ard me were not understanding and supportive. I will not do name-calling here.

Anyhow, after a whole load of religious lectures (or what they claim it to be) and self-reflections.. I underwent the procedure to terminate my pregnancy on Jan 5 (you know it as abortion but I would prefer to say that I had been forced to terminate it).

It is my 1st day back at work today after resting at home for 2 weeks and I am feeling much better emotionally now that the whole traumatizing episode is over. but physically, I am still healing.. it is constant reminder of the baby that might-have-been and the many factors that made it never-have-been.

At the end of it all, I grew from the experience and share an even closer bond with my husband now. It also made me see through the characters of some. It was not all a bad thing.

I just want to say that my mom and sister have been amazing and simply wonderful during this entire time. There is absolutely nothing I could ask more of a mother and sister.

And my hubby, for being so unbelievably supportive and understanding, even through my tears and tantrums. I now know that there is no one in the world that could possibly love me more than you do.

"Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be." - Author unknown