The Leap of Faith

I have been thinking about adopting my husband's surname for a few months now.. no apparent reason that warrants for such a need, but simply cuz I feel a family unit should have a common surname. I am highly traditional in that sense.

I am just thinking abt one day, far in the future, when my husband and kids and myself go some place together which requires identification, they would all be a "Lee" and I would not. Like I am not part of the family. That kinda upsets me a lil.

In another instance, I see this adopting of his surname as a pledge of my love for him, like something permanent and I am sure enough of our relationship to take this big step to legally changing my name. It is like we truly belong together now.

So me being me, I have been doing a bit of homework online, reading up on how common a practice this is in Singapore and what are the reasons for ppl wanting to do it.

Amidst the good stuff I read, I also chance upon bad ones.

There were quite a handful, not just a few, who commented that they would not take after their husband's surname because it would be impractical. Cuz, what if they get divorced? It would be a hassle to change back to your maiden name.

Now, that to me.. is a sure-fail marriage. I cannot imagine how anyone would enter into a marriage, waiting for the day the divorce comes. That is truly insane. And I am in utter shock that people would say that out of their mouths.

A lot of people don't understand that what goes on in your head, will affect greatly how things turn out in actual life. if you go thru life with such a mentality, you will go about doing things, big or small, with that "final destination" in your head, and sub-consciously driving your marriage that way, even tho you didn't openly intend to do so. Your mind kinda willed it to happen. The human mind is more powerful than any of us truly believe it to be.

"Why should I take his parents out, he wouldn't do that for my parents, anyway."
"We may not even last until then, better not to take the risk and take up such a huge financial commitment."
"I should take up the job despite only being able to see each other only once a week. It is such a golden opportunity! If we do split up in the end, I would be kicking myself in the ass for letting this pass!"

All these negative thoughts seep into your daily life and impact upon the decisions you make. This is no way for a marriage to work out.

If you make your decisions based on the belief that you will be together happily ever after, trust me, your life would turn out differently. Much more different.

I guess, what I am trying to say is that we should strive to do things with total faith and belief. No reservations nor doubts. Do everything the best you can and with every part of your heart and soul. and this should be applied to, not simply in terms of a marriage, but in all things that you do. Be it in work, with family or friends, we have to learn to trust that everything happens for a reason and that sometimes, the only solution to problems is to take the leap of faith.

Because no one can tell you the future and your destiny lies in your own hands. Or head, in this case. :p Even if things do go wrong, at least you can honestly say, "I've done my best".

I can't properly put my thoughts into words on this one, the closest thing to what I have in mind, is the movie "The Butterfly Effect". If you've seen it, you'll know what I mean. If you haven't, you really should see it!

When I have legally changed my surname, I shall be proud and happy and truly, Mrs Lee. :)

I shall leave you with some food for thought - I have my answer to this one, do you?

I love my life because it's good
OR
My life is good because I love it