Back To The Future

I woke up feeling very refreshed and rested and strolled over to my mother-in-law's (MIL) room. Once I stepped in. the smell of baby powder hit me instantly and as I looked at the happy baby in the cot, he smiled up at me and reached out to me with both hands.

I picked him up from his cot and he instantly clung on to me like a koala bear and nestled his face in the crook of my neck, while he coo-ed to himself. I walked him to the balcony and he smiled happily at the gentle breeze that massaged his sweet face.

When I looked down at him, just inches from my face, I saw that he had such big round eyes like mine when I was young and had a small and handsome face that looked a lot like hubby when he was a child this age. He was so beautiful.. so happy.. and so pleasant to be around.

I had to get ready for work so I put him back into his cot, in my MIL's care and I went to take my shower and left for work.

As I left the house and the door closed behind me, I woke up from the dream.

Sigh, it was a dream. I dunno why I dreamt of a boy when the lab test results showed that it was a baby girl that I had. Maybe this boy is my next child.. or maybe it is God's way of reminding me of the reasons I wanted to be a mother in the 1st place.

I had kind of forgotten why over the past few weeks, with so much distractions and so many things happening. I let other ppl influence my decision of wanting a baby and because of them, my plans will have to wait now. They make me so angry and sad that I could not see myself and my reasons anymore. I just wanted to everything to end.

But the dream that I had made me glad again, made me see the possibilities of a happy life that I may have with a baby. Despite all the difficulties I may have to go through with pregnancy, I think the end result will be worth it. It feels as though the dream was showing me a scene from my future, that everything will eventually turn out well, that I will learn to love and trust again.

So with that, I will try my best to put the past behind and start over. To look forward to pregnancy again and of course, to look forward to the time when I will finally have my baby in my arms, smiling that happy, innocent smile at me, surrounded by family who will genuinely be happy for us.