When you can't decide if you wanna be serious, sexy or fun....

Kate Winlset in Stella McCartney

I kinda like this. It's like being serious, sexy and fun all at the same time. And her make-up.. so nude, so nice!

You know what they say about girls.. we just wanna have fun! :)

Confessions of a Control Freak

There has been a series of events happening around me lately that made me realise how scared of death I am. I don't know if I am scared of death itself or the fact that I would be caught unprepared and not be able to tell my loved ones my last words. I have a strong feeling it is more of the latter.

So I've hesitated and struggled for a few days, wondering how I should ensure that would not happen. That even if I died tomorrow, I would go with a peace of mind, knowing my loved ones would know how I felt.

I thought I would write a letter, and hide it somewhere. when I die and the husband clears my stuff, he should find them. BUT. What if he doesn't? Or what if he dumps everything w/o even looking? Or worse, what if he chances upon them accidentally when I am still alive? He would think I have some terminal illness and am not telling him.

So this option is out.

Then I thought, I could write the goodbye letters, and hand it over to someone I trust for safekeeping. In this case, I thought of my best friend. Whom I completely trust and she would understand why I would do this, being the control freak I am who loves it when things go according to plan. She could be there to hand out all these letters for me when I am gone. That would be perfect. In fact, I would not even seal them so that she knows she is welcomed to read them, that I have complete trust in her. BUT. What if her house burned down? Or if she misplaced it? Or worse, what if she dies before me? (CHOY!) That would be horrible.

So this option is out too.

And then I thought, you know, things online never disappear.. they are always archived somewhere.. if you wanted it, it would only take a snap of a finger to pull it out.

But I couldn't possibly type them an email cuz there would be no one to send it for me when I passed. I also can't time it to be sent cuz, well I dunno when that might be.

So you know what, it turned out it might be best for me to write it here, cuz I have friends who read my blog from time to time.. and if they read such a thing here, it would be highly unlikely (I hope) they would not forget it and when the time comes, I am sure they will direct my loved ones here to see what I wrote. PERFECT.

And so that is exactly what I am going to do. If you see a post one of these days that resemble a suicide note, pls do not panic... I am just writing for a rainy day. :)

I am a control freak like that! *shrugs shoulders*

My Shining Life!

Those of you who have me as a friend on FB, you would know that I just returned from an Osaka trip. Osaka is an amazing city, the shopping is fab and considerably cheaper as compared to Tokyo. They had H&M! That made shopping in Osaka orgasmic. *giggles*

This trip was the 2nd time I went on with friends. The 1st one being the trip to Bali for 4 days, also with 2 other friends - my absolute BFFs.

This trip, however, felt entirely different. 1st of all, it certainly was not fun. I can't begin to describe the emotions I felt during my Osaka trip. It's a mixture of good and bad stuff. Good being the place itself, the weather, the shopping. It would not go wrong with careful planning. I would recommend it more than Tokyo.

The bad being the company. It was the worst. The thing is I had not expected it cuz if I had, I would not had embarked on the trip in the 1st place.

And you know how it gets when you have bad company. It makes everything seem bad.

Even though I did not have a good time, I did learn many things during trip. My patience, for one, grew incredibly. To put up with someone rude and mean for 5 days is not an easy feat. And I am proud to say that I did it. Without even a word of complain. Though at one point I did show my displeasure for about an hour but I quickly got back my senses and tried to ease up the atmosphere. It was after all a holiday and I should not ruin it for everyone just cuz I was unhappy.

However, this notion was not shared by my fellow travelers. One particular friend made sure her every thought and emotion was heard and felt and if she didn't like what you said, she simply ignored you, even though she asked the question. This happened a lot during the trip and it got to one point, even if I knew the answer, I kept quiet. I don't deserve to be treated like shit and despite my trying to make it a pleasant trip for everyone, she was doing everything she can to make mine hell. She would get angry when I bought something she liked even when I saw it first. I did not mind if she got it too but she chose not to but to sulk about it. She would also get angry if I found stuff to buy and she didn't. @^#%*@$?!?

I went on the trip without knowing that the 2 of them were closer than I thought. If I had known, I would have most certainly grabbed one more friend along. But I thought since we are already on the trip together, we should do things for 3 persons, shop for 3 persons, eat for 3 persons, basically consider everything for 3 persons. But no, they stuck to each other like glue and most of the time, I felt like I was holidaying alone. At one point, we split up to do our own shopping and agreed to meet 1 hour later. When I met them 1 hour later, I realized they had been shopping together and I was the only one who shopped alone. At that point I had already accepted the fact that this was how the rest of the trip was going to be so I uttered nothing. All I wanted to do was shop and go home asap. I refrained from having a showdown with them since I thought it would be unfair to teach them a lesson amidst a holiday. But it took everything I had inside to restrain myself.

When I returned and saw my hubby at the airport and received heartwarming text messages from my friends to welcome me home, I felt better instantly. I could not be bothered with the 2 of them and realized how shallow and juvenile they were. They honestly deserve each other and I truly hope they remain best frenemies forever. (Frenemy definition: People who put others down to make themselves feel better.)

I am glad that at the end of something bad, I got something good out of it. I have already been a contented person before the trip but now, I am contented and grateful. That I have loyal friends, a loving husband and a wonderful family. They are the people who constantly inject positivity into my life and let me excel and shine in the small ways I can. Having been stuck with 2 very negative people who brought out the worst in me, not allowing me to be the best person I can be, made me realize how blessed I am.

The quantity of friends don't count, but the quality does. I would rather have 1 quality friend than many friends like them in my life. The shallow conversations are tiring.. give me a quiet dinner with good friends any day!

Today I am going to write a list of things that I am grateful for and read it every morning to remind myself how good it is to just be alive and living.

Thank you to all you friends who never hindered me in my endeavors and are truly happy for me and where I am today and lastly, having always allowed me to shine.. :)

**Special thanks Mel & Ben, Joanna & Simon for having me at their weddings! Even though it was immediately after my trip, it put me back in high spirits just being a part of your celebrations! :)