16 more days to go!

My schedule has suddenly gotten hectic recently.

Mom's birthday, food-tasting for wedding, clothes-shopping for my bro & bro-in-law, ordering catered food, jiemeis' corsage making (thank god my sister is helping me with that!), bridal dowry (jewellery shopping), and not forgetting, delivering of wedding invites. it is starting to get a bit late now to be distributing them and as much as I want to hand-deliver all of my invites, there is only one of me. I ended up having to mail most of them, and being kinda late now, I hope ppl wun think it was a last minute to invite them. :( cuz it was not, my list was done up almost a year ago! i just dun have enough lunch/dinner appointments to meet everyone to hand out the invites. i kno i kno, i shud haf started earlier. at least that will be the one advise i will give to future bride-to-bes. START PRINTING YOUR INVITES EARLY!

as of today, i still have 3 groups of friends to distribute invites to: my poly mates, my ex-colleagues and my jiemeis!

but at least these ppl are the most understanding ones, they wudn't mind even if i give them their invite on the day itself. :p so other than that, the rest of my invites are all out. meeting one friend today for lunch to pass her her invite, meeting another bunch over dinner tmr and 2 more over lunch and dinner next week and I AM DONE! *phew*

all these wedding preps are slowing me down in my reading. i cud have finished "The Lost Symbol" one week ago but these days when I get home, I am just so tired and sleep is the only thing on my mind. I need my beauty rest! I dun want to be looking tired and haggard just weeks before my wedding, right? :)

something very interesting happened yesterday. but i dun have time to write about it in detail now, maybe i'll do it later today. but for now, some prelude: Bio-Essence, Oct 5.

Heh heh.

Dream a little dream of me, not.

I don't know how many people out there do this, but I do it quite frequently. I force myself to dream what I want to dream when I sleep.

Most of the times, they turn out pretty pleasant. Close to what I imagined it to be. It's like living the life I can't in reality, or being the person I can't be in reality, or seeing the people I can't in reality, or doing something totally out of the code of conduct in reality.

Like, meeting an old flame or having a fling with an acquaintance? you know, that sorta thing. :p I am just citing examples, tho. Don't let me put any ideas in your head now.

So i have this thing that I haven't had proper closure to, some time ago. It might have been a long time ago, and ppl ard me wud think i shud be long over it. Well, in a way, I am. Cuz time heals all wounds. but from time to time, I just can't help thinking about the person and the "what ifs".

It was a sudden desire that came over me last night, just before I went to sleep.. I thot long and hard abt that person, wondering what would happen if one day, we met again under favourable circumstances. I dun make up a plot in my head, i jus keep thinking abt that person and what might happen if we met again. so a few different scenarios goes thru my head.. until i drift asleep into dreamland.

so the dream took plc in a big hse, with a big swimming pool. In my dream, I knew whose hse that was, it was his cousin's. I have been there in reality but in the dream, it looked different. it was smaller.

so, i was hanging out by the pool alone, when he walked in and kinda settled down beside me and held a very casual conversation with me. he looked much better in the dream than in reality. the funny thing was in the dream, his mom was there with us, bringing us juices and fruits.. very hospitable. when i woke up, i linked this to the episode in reality whereby he dropped me off back at my house and went off to have dinner with his parents and came back to meet me after dinner. it felt horrible to be a "secret", like I wasn't good enuff to meet his parents. but anyhow, at least i met his mom in my dream. :p

so back to the dream, while his mom was walking back and forth in the background, he stayed close to me throughout the dream. I remember myself trying to keep a safe distance between us, whenever I felt he was coming too near. I think that is a reflection of the defense I have put up against him in reality. it's amazing how close dreams mimic reality!

we spoke in my dream but like i said, it was just casual conversation which felt like it was muted in my dream. so i have absolutely no recollection of what we spoke about. but as i packed my stuff to leave, the volume was suddenly turned up in my dream, un-muted.

I recall getting up, walking past his mom and abt to leave when his mom alerted him that i was leaving.

he came ard me, walked me away from the door and to a deck chair by the pool and sat me down. then, he passed me this little scrapbook and opened it up to the 1st page and left me alone to see it.

i looked at the hand-made scrapbook in my hand saw that it was made with coloured paper and crayon drawings. like that of a child's art project.

i began to flip the pages, and realised that it was telling a story. the story of how we met, how we went on our 1st date, how i decided to stop seeing him, how he felt when we stopped seeing each other, the names of his friends (4 of them) who told him to get me back, the regret and sadness he felt when i was gone and finally, how he met me again and got back tgt.

i shud have been very touched at this, but in my dream, i felt nothing but resentment. i did not have a smile on my face, like i shud have. and only 2 words formed in my head, "too late".

when he saw that i had flipped to the last page, he walked toward me and sat down beside me, as he waited for me to speak.

i looked up at him and said very seriously, "it's too late, i'm married." It's good to know i had not totally become another person in my dream. and yes, the guy i was married to in my dream was the very same guy sleeping next to me in my bed in reality. :p

after i said those words in my dream, he looked at me with sadness in his eyes and his hands reached out to hold both of mine.

"is there really no chance for us?" he finally said when i shifted in my seat, abt to get up.

"it's too late." with that, i slipped out of his hands and got up to leave.

this was the very dramatic part: i grabbed my bag with one hand and slung it over my shoulder. just as i was abt to walk out the door, i turned ard, looked at him and said, "just so you know, we would have really been something if we stayed together. we were perfect together. perfect."

and i remember strutting out of the hse, with the look of disappointment on his face lingering in my mind.

and my dream ended. as if on cue, i woke up right after that. it was 5.01am. i know the dream sounded a bit harsh, but when i woke up, i was smiling! it's like i got my closure, even tho it was totally made up by me and my sub-conscious mind. but if we did meet again, i would like this to be exactly what happens.

and as if *he* knew what i had dreamt, he foudn my hand under the covers and held it. his other hand came over my head to smooth out my hair on my pillow.

i was half-alseep, half-awake. but i know that happened in reality.

i dunno if this is considered cheating.. but even for 2 persons deeply in love, you need distraction every once in a while so that u will truly appreciate what u have.

for me, it is through my dreams that i can truly be myself, or sometimes, NOT be myself.

if *he* ever talks in his sleep and calls out another girl's name.. sure, i will be disturbed but i wud also be glad that i am the one he will be waking up next to in the morning, and not the one with a look of disappointment in his dream. :)

Sneak Preview

Bucking Fored.

We are officially into the last month of countdown.. only 4 weeks to go..?!?!

I'm very weird. I have been doing my wedding preps since beginning of this year, and I haven't felt anything close to wedding jitters at all, not even when I put on the gown during fitting/photo shoot.

but now that i am starting to give out my invitation cards.. the jitters is slowly setting in.. cuz now that the invites are out.. it means there is no backing out.. ppl are invited, so the show has to go on no matter wat! haha, not literally la, but sometimes I do feel the whole customary wedding is very "for show". but oh well, only once in ur life you can get everyone you care abt and who cares abt u in one room to celebrate something that means so much to you. omg, it sounds so scary to me right now.. i dunno why i haven't realised that until now!

ok 1st of all, lemme say clearly that it is not the marriage I am scared of, i am oredi lawfully married anywae, so too late for regrets now. :p it is the whole customary wedding procedure that is scaring me off. having almost all the ppl u kno in one room, including your family.. it is all very overwhelming to me. i am a big crybaby and i dunno if i will have enough tears to keep me going for that day! let's hope i will be so tired by the time of the dinner that i will not have any strength left to cry!

And I abruptly end this post cuz I suddenly got bored and have nothing else to say. HAHA. seriously, my blog's been really boring of late!

*yawns!*

American Idol will soon be one of my favourite shows!

I am a huge fan of Ellen Degeneres and I watch her show whenever I get the opportunity. The sucky thing is it airs on Starworld on weekdays at 2pm??? Well, like I said, whenever I get the chance, I catch it.

Those of you who have nv seen an episode before.. you have GOT to cuz she is so damn bloody good with what she does, hosting the show. It never fails to cheer me up. Or maybe it is just what goes on in her head that is fascinating. Her sense of humour is unparalleled and if there is one Hollywood personality I want to meet, it is her! (Yes, not even RPatz, ok!)

So just moments ago, I read online that Ellen is going to be the new judge on American Idol.. OMFG!!!!!!!! I am so excited! American Idol is going to be so different with her in it and I can almost assure you, it would never be the same again and American Idol is going to hit a new wave of popularity like never before! That is how good Ellen is!

I kno it's going to be some time before I can see the next season of American Idol here in Singapore.. but this is going to very very worth looking forward to.

Oh, how I love Ellen! I really do!

温柔 (还你自由版)

I normally don't enjoy listening to renditions of songs I love.. cuz it alters the feeling and the sound it was originally intended to sound. I am pretty extreme tho, this stupid principal of mine is extended to renditions performed by the original performer/singer themselves. Uhhuh, I see you sighing and shaking your head there.

So anywae, as everyone knows by now, I was at the Mayday concert last week and when they performed the newly-arranged 温柔 (还你自由版) from one of their later albums, I was very very taken by the way it now sounded.

The original version is already very emo.. somehow, they managed to make the new version even more EMO. I really dunno how they did it.

In any case, it caught my attn and truly captivated me. Especially at 2:32 minutes of the song. All my goosebumps will stand to attention EVERYTIME that particular part comes on. something about the way ASHIN sang it.. very deep. Even the way he said "hey" before he sang the line.. sounds as if he is really talking to someone.

Go listen to it now, I promise it will evoke the melancholic side of you and all the sadness you have had buried inside you from long long ago...

Kelly's Biology Class

I went for my final vaccine jab of Hep A/B yday, one on each side of my arm so that it wouldn't be too sore for me to bear. Turned out the jab for Hep B alone was so strong that I could feel the sore immediately after the jab was administered into me.

But it was the Hep A jab that carried on to sting longer.

So when the doc proposed that I get the vaccine for cervix cancer as well, i asked him to jab it on the same arm of my Hep B jab.

it must have been the wrong thing to do cuz when I woke up this morning, I couldn't wash my hair, couldn't reach for the showerhead nor wear my clothes properly.

needless to say, i couldn't sleep on the right side of my body where i had 2 jabs on my arm. :(

my right arm is temporarily handicapped, simply to say.

ok ranting aside. the doc explained to me how vaccines work yday. I dunno if everyone oredi knows, but I didn't until yday! it was all pretty fascinating so I decided i will share it with you guys.

basically, the vaccine is filled with the germs of the specific ailment you are taking the vaccine for. for example, the flu vaccine is filled with flu germs, and the H1N1 vaccine (if one comes up soon), will be filled with the H1N1 germs.

before you gasp in horror, here's the deal.

the germs in the vaccine have been treated and processed, so that it wud not harm our body when injected. it's cool cuz it works like a fire drill!

this is how our bodies work - whenever our bodies get attacked by a virus, say Virus A, it will send out "Soldiers" A to fight it. So on and so forth for Virus B Soldiers B, Virus C Soldier C.

this is how the vaccine works - when the germs of a certain virus is injected into us, our body will recognise the germs, as say, Germs X and send its "Soldiers X" to fight it. so how it will prevent us from getting the ailment after taking the vaccine, is that if we do get invaded by the real virus, the "soldiers" will already be there in our bodies to begin with, so the virus will mean nothing to us as we have already been prepped with our "defensive shield" and we will be immune to it. :)

Which is why we will need all the different kinds of vaccines for different ailments/viruses. And the reason why some vaccines are not available (say, cancer or AIDS) is because the scientists have not figured out a way to process/treat the germs of the said diseases for it to safe enough to be administered into a healthy body.

And if anyone tells you a certain vaccine will only work for new-borns, that is total bullshit. Like my example above for Virus A Soldier A, vaccines will work regardless of age. So go on and take all the vaccines available now!

However, the doc also added that some ppl's body are very smart. Even when the vaccine is injected into them, the body is able to recognise that the germs injected are harmless, hence, do not release the needed "soldiers" to "treat" the germs. Hence, vaccines will not work for such ppl when the real virus attacks, as they will be defense-less. but fret not, this only happens to abt 1% of all ppl. And no one will know who these 1% are until, unfortunately, they are struck with the disease that they have been vaccinated for.

head on down to your family doctor and find out what kind of vaccines are available to you and take them! "Prevention is better than cure" has been been apt to use. :)

My right sore arm is definitely worth it in this case especially since I come from a family with cancer history. at least I have one cancer less to worry abt now!