CLICK HERE FOR BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND MYSPACE LAYOUTS »

Search This Blog

♫ Stuff In My Head ♫

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

小情歌 - 苏打绿

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着人们心肠的曲折
我想我很快乐
当有你的温热
脚边的空气转了

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着我们心头的白鸽
我想我很适合
当一个歌颂者
青春在风中飘着

你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
受不了看见你背影来到
写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚
就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
逃不了最后谁也都苍老
写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡

been feeling kind of depressed lately. am attributing it to the loneliness i haf been feeling, being on my own most of the time these days.

but if u ask me if i wanna move back to stay with my mom/sis/bro, my answer wud b a straight no. i feel lonely sometimes, yes, but i'd rather b lonely than to be in a hse full of quarrels day in day out. plus, i realli suspect my sister has schizophrenia (dunno how to spell). and i hate it most when she takes it out on me. telling me the flaws of my personality, just to make herself feel better, i think. i find that very very disturbing and i refuse to the target of her senseless personal attacks. so, i dun talk to her as much i can when she is in such a mood.

and because lately she has been in one of her moods again, we haven't been talking for a few weeks now. she has been busy preparing for her wedding and she has left me out of it completely. and i kno, that is the main reason why i haf been feeling depressed lately. :( but i try my best not to be affected. i try.

on top of which, i am room-hunting. gonna haf to move out of the place i am staying in before end of this year, which gives me abt 2 months or less to look for a place that is convenient, affordable and most imptly, DECENT. i am afraid of wat kind of housemates i will b living with.. but as long as the room has a lock (which i will try to double lock in case the landlord/hsemate has a spare key) i will feel safer. i realli wonder when i haf to live my life like that until, moving from place to place. :(

it's a bit sad and a bit weird.. but i feel like i can't tell him abt all my worries and concerns.. he does not seem capable of dealing with this side of me.. when i speak with that tinge of sadness in my voice, he gets a bit impatient. if i wanna tell him abt my problems, i haf to make sure i tell him in a happy voice. and that, to me, is difficult. why issit like that? :(

yday i met my auntie for dinner at Mushroom Pot, our fave haunt. (nat heard it as "Mushroom Park" when i told her last night, haha!) after which, we walked over to HMV from orchard point.. we had only wanted to walk ard, make fun of ppl and CD covers.. but we ended up at the cantonese oldies section and stayed there for a good 45 min i think. we picked up a few classic oldies that were truly quite a find and had a good laugh at some of them. we found 郭富城's 1st few albums and as we went through the song titles, we realised we could sing almost all of them. *gasp!* we had been closet fans of 郭富城! HAHA. i ended buying the one with the tracklist as follows:

1。我不认输
2。到底有谁能够告诉我
3。勇敢接受我的爱
4。Tell Me Why
5。午夜的吻别
6。Heart Breaker
7。我要给你全部的爱
8。喜欢就说爱
9。很难过还是要告诉你
10。Good Times & Bad Times

Damn retro! lately cuz of the 陈伟廉 song (which i think is a total rip off) i have fallen back in love with the 郭富城 song (到底有谁能够告诉我). actually i am quite sure i had the cassette of this 郭富城 album back when i was in primary school.. but i wud obviously not haf it with me anymore by now. and i thot it wud b worth the investment to get the cd now since there are many songs tt i love from this album. :) ironically, i hate 郭富城 now. a bit gay leh. too much botox also. dun like. :(

it's going to be hard but i am gg to admit it. i also bought a leon lai cd. HAHAHA. haf to la, he is my childhood hero leh. the cassette that i used to haf of this album i bought, even worse.. i listened until the tapes were spoilt!! i had to secretly buy another copy and put it back into my mom's collection and nv touch it again cuz of the phobia. i will nv forgot the feeling of hearing his voice go "ee... ewww.." then dead. and when i opened up my walkman to inspect wat went wrong, i saw that my walkman was vomitting tapes!! HAHA. too much shock for a primary sch student! primary sch student buying a cassette was considered a splurge back in those days. i was too scared to spoil another cassette!

thank god i will not haf such problems with my cd now. HAHA.

then of cuz, the reason i went to HMV was also to check out Eason's new album.. which i got too. a bit disappointing.. but i still love him. *dreams..*

almost wanted to get Silverchair's new album "Straight Lines" which swept awards at the recent ARIAS. supposedly the best album of their career so far. but it is a whopping 40 bucks. too ex, cannot convince myself to buy it. *maybe i dun love them so much anymore.*

but after this cd shopping spree, i felt guilty again, bought too much. spent too much. :(

think rest of the month haf to survive on air lo.

Monday, October 29, 2007

did some serious retail therapy yday. omg. i was shopping like i was in HK! sinful sinful sinful!!!!

been ages since the girls and i hung out tgt on a sunday. we went to the "vintage" flea market at nassim road.. as expected, it was disappointing. flea markets in singapore jus cannot make it la. also, it realli irritates me tt ppl tend to get confused with "vintage" and "second hand". second hand might be vintage, BUT vintage does not equate to second hand!!! looking at some of the stuff the ppl were selling at the flea market yday, realli made me wanna slap them across their faces. GRANDMOTHER SLIPPERS ALSO VINTAGE?!?!! how come they haf the cheek to bring those old, torn and tattered stuff from their homes and sell to the public in broad daylight!?!?!? i seriously cannot understand.

Vintage - "obsolete fashion from the past"

read that and remember that!!! i can buy grandmother slippers from the market downstairs my house so they are not obsolete!! and i dun think they were ever in fashion ok!!!! *bangs wall* i think the flea market was this close to selling granny panties. used ones. *sigh*

after the very very disappointing trip to the flea market, we decided to go to haji lane at arab street, upon theresa's suggestion. the boutiques there haf such pretty interiors!! i fell in love with all their decor (and clothes and accessories and bags and shoes...) wa lao. we literally went crazy there. it was a sunday so many boutiques were not open. THANK GOD. all those that were open, we managed to sweep them clean!! we went into 3 to 4 boutiques (only!) and we spent abt an hour in each of them. it was serious quality shopping! think the service staff realli loved us. we bought almost everything we tried. each of us spent an average of 300 bucks, i think. tsk tsk tsk...

after that we headed down to katong, this little street called Ean Kiam Place. it has nice re-furbished shophouses.. a fusion of old school and modern singapore. i came to kno of someone who is running a 2 storey boutique at one of the shophouses there and promised to drop by last weekend, so i brought my girls and we went.

after our shopping spree at haji lane, the price of the stuff at my fren's place proved to be a bit too steep for our liking. but undeniably, the things were lovely. the dresses were so pretty and the accessories and girly girly, very us. :p still, i cudn't resist and bought some earrings and handphone charms. theresa bought a dress, some accessories and fiona jus watched. she was certainly tired from all the shopping we had the whole day.

go here to see the website of the boutique: www.thelawn.com.sg

after we were done at our last stop, we walked to the famous 328 Katong Laksa and the 3 of us had 5 bowls of laksa, 4 otahs and 1 rojak. for girls, i think we eat quite a lot. but that is wat i love abt my girls, we nv care abt the carbs and indulge ourselves in the glory of food. *yummilicious!*

must haf been the best weekend i haf had in months. figured we cudn't do this all the time else we'd all be bankrupt very soon. :p but it was fun while it lasted.

like theresa says, wat is few hundred dollars in exchange of the memories we've built spending quality time tgt. shopping. :)

PRICELESS! :D

Thursday, October 25, 2007

someone must have cast a spell of happiness on me. cuz i haven't stopped smiling since Tuesday. :)

after work that day, *he* came to pick me up at my office at 6pm sharp. :) we went to town, walked from paragon to heeren to taka.. trying to catch a glimpse of a watch, any watch that will catch my fancy.. but to no avail leh. seems difficult for me to find pretty things or things i like lately. then finally.. when we walked past the DKNY watch counter in taka, i stopped to stare.. the most beautiful watch was staring right back at me. HAHA. i think i realli like DKNY stuff leh, this is the 2nd time i laid eyes on a DKNY watch, the 1st one was also bought by *him*. it was for his 1st christmas present to me in 2003. :)

so yea, we ended up trying a lot of other DKNY watches but i finally decided on the one i laid eyes on 1st. it is a black leather watch with many many swarovski crystals on the top. it is classy yet vogue at the same (to me). I LOVE IT!

after which, we drove to greenwood ave and had our fave pizza and pasta at Peperoni Pizzeria. i strongly recommend it to all italian food lovers. i swear it is the best tasting italian food i have ever tasted in singapore. the pizzas are to die for.. but so are the pastas! *yums!* it also has a bar there so u can chill out and lounge around after dinner.

it was quite a quiet night since it was tuesday. so after dinner, we sat at the restaurant for a bit, jus chatting and talking cock. :p when it was past 9pm, we decided, we shud go and do something.. i told him i realli felt like singing.. he picked up his phone and called agus and sally.. but agus cudn't make it cuz he had exams the next day.. so then we called ah poh and irene.. they were super onz!! in half an hour, they arrived at partyworld orchard and the rest was history. HAHAH. (aiya, all ktv sessions are the same wat, nothing to talk abt right. :p)

i reached home at 2am that night.. i was on the leave the next day but it was not because i knew i was gonna stay out late.. it was cuz i was doing a retreat for my sec sch the next day and i took off from work to do it. like a normal sch day, i had to be in sch by 7am!!! which means i had to wake up earlier than my normal work day, 5.30am!!! i had barely 3 hours of sleep, can?! old oredi.. cannot live like that anymore... :(

it was a good thing the retreat turned out realli fun.. i love being ard my juniors.. cuz they reminded so much of myself and the babes. the uniform.. does so many things to my mind.. we played games with the girls, talked to the girls abt sch during our time, talked to them abt life after IJ.. it was realli a good day to jus let my hair down and enjoy the time i spent with them.

the session ended at 1.30pm (i almost forgot how early school ends.. how come when i was schooling, the day seems longer than the night??) and after that, we all went up to the staff room to visit our teachers. many of them are now gone.. but the most significant ones in my life, are still ard, thank god. when i saw mrs nicholas, she screamed out my name almost immediately. :) i can't believe she remembers me after all these years (8 years!) we chatted for a bit before she got into a mad rush. after that i saw mrs tang soon lin. when i saw her, i cried immediately and i cudn't stop! dunno y, jus very very happy to see her.. and she was alwaes my fave teacher cuz she was alwaes the most patient teacher with our most hopeless class. she didn't despise us even tho all other teachers did.. we all loved her very very much and when we had our O levels, she continued to come to sch to revise with us despite having breast cancer then.. but she has fully recovered now. :D

i saw my discipline mistress.. omg, she remembers me too. i admit i was a naughty kid la.. tt's y she rems me. :p but it's different now.. i've grown up and she has seen kids worse than me, i'm sure. hahaha.

when i left sch, i realli wondered when will be the nex time i can go back again.. i still missed the teachers even tho i jus met them.. i realli hope i can go back and see them again soon.

which reminds me, i still haven't gone back to visit my ITE teachers!! i haven't been back since i graduated.. i feel so heartless!! i realli gotta go back before the end of this year.. before my bro graduates from there too.

i felt that the past 2 days had been very amazing days for me.. it was very fulfilling and meaningful.. i hope more days like these will come.. :)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

today marks the day i turn quarter of a century old. OMG. i.. am... going... on... to... late... twen... ties.......... . . . . . .

I DUN WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:(

how ar? i dun even feel so old leh. i feel no different from the day i turned 21. how ar? does this mean i am childish??? *shit*

last night i got into those typical crying fits again. i am so surprised with myself, i actually pulled thru the night without quarreling with him. i actually feel happier that i didn't. i dun wanna screw up my own day, wat. :p

well, wat happened was, he SAID he wanted to come see me at my plc last night.. i guess to celebrate the 12am mark with me.. but turned out at the last minit he had work to do.. and if it finished early, he wud come to see me. but he nv did. i waited until 12am. sat at the window and looked out to see if he was there, but no. so i let myself be disappointed.. 12.02am - no call from him. 12.05am - no sms from him. 12.15 - no call nor sms from him. i was starting to feel realli upset by then. is he not eager to wish me happy birthday? :( i figured he must be busy with his work.. and forgot abt me.

i was angry tt he didn't call to tell me that he wun b able to make it to see me.. i stayed up waiting. and when the clock struck 12, i knew he wasn't coming anymore.

12.21 - the call came. but i was so angry then, i didn't answer. i didn't want to end up quarreling with him. when the call got missed, i waited for an sms. nothing.

12.26 - call came again. i didn't answer again.

12.27 - sms came. merely wished me happy birthday. no sorries abt not being able to come and see me. super super upset. cried myself to sleep.

wa lao. why am i so emo?? i am getting a bit disgusted with myself also. i woke up this morning, feeling slightly better. i tried to think from his end.. at least he tried to come, at least he didn't forget, at least he's made himself free today for me. but.. these are granted.. are they not? :(

i dun feel special.

i feel like shit again.

ARGH!

try to have a happy birthday ok, kelly? *frowns*

Monday, October 22, 2007

上个礼拜一个人在家时,刚好听到了 93.3FM 的“罐头剧场”。 相信常常收听 93.3FM 的人都有听说过“暗巷”。 那天,我就刚好听到了“暗巷2 ”的last instalment。 就连我这个第一次听的人,都落下了眼泪。相信很多人也和我一样, 听完之后也感到难过。

最近我每天早上在准备上办时,都一定会收听丁志勇的“就是万人迷”。 我已经爱上他了!连他的WOOHOO我都觉得很可爱。and yes, i have seen his pictures。 i still think he is cute。 HAHA。 他的声音好迷人!真的是万人迷!

然后在那个罐头剧场,我发现他饰演的“陈伟伦”有个ABC accent。 他学得好像!肯定是拜了王力宏为师!超像的!而且好自然!

http://www.podcast.sg/933_drama.asp

而且因为听了那次的广播,我上了网找到了“暗巷2 ”的podcast,把它一次过都听完了。丁志勇真的是个很有才华的人。上帝是公平的! Sorry, 志勇。 :p

我听完之后,我又不小心地找到了他的blog。 他的英文怎么那么好啊?? 天啊,i dunno wat he is incapable of, realli. 如果你从没听过“就是万人迷”, 现在是时候了!丁志勇超好笑的!

不然去看一看他的blog也好啦。HEEHEE!

http://www.cruzteng.com/

因为“暗巷2 ”, 我竟然。。 竟然。。 爱上了蔡依琳的“一个人”。 :(

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

the class chalet that started out with a very disappointing response turned out to be quite a blast actually. maybe only for me, but who cares, right? no one! that's why the response was so poor! and the rest of us who still decided to come anywae had to foot the humongous bill for those who decided not to come. damn irritating. i am nv gonna put tgt another class gathering, at least not for those ingrates who dun bother to make an effort at all.

so anywaes, turned out only 10 of us (out of almost 40 ppl) decided to come for the bbq on the 1st day. cheryl, yvonne, nat, 3sa and i were the 1st to arrive, to do the checking in etc. we spent the afternoon playing with nat's dog, playing mahjong, swimming and basically doing nothing. but it was fun! i kno i mus nv start on mahjong, cuz once i start, i cannot stop! that day i was totally hooked, plus i kept winning! but we only played with chips so no one had real losses. :p then ppl started to come gradually, 1st was fiona, then jean, gen and jac. and last to arrive at almost 8pm, was cat. so there, 10 of us. we ate, talked, laughed, ate, talked, laughed. nothing much la. then later that night we went back to mahjong-ing and halfway thru the session, nat pulled me to the ladies to have a "word". she said she was irritated with 3sa and looked realli grumpy. i tried to ask her wat's wrong but she jus said tt she was irritated. and when she turned to leave, i followed behind her and suddenly, all of them appeared outside the ladies with a cake and candles! (why outside the ladies, right? haha) and i was realli surprised. i was not expecting a cake! well my birthday is coming but i didn't think they'd celebrate it for me! so i was realli happy! jean's gang even bought me a present and it was such a pretty dress they bought for me! they kno me quite well, i mus say. :)

so then the night carried on with more food, more mahjong and more dogs. (Jean brought her snowie too. damn cute!) it was realli jus a rest and relax kinda night. nothing too major.. caught up with each other and all. by 12am, most of them were gone as they had work the next day. leaving cheryl, yvonne, 3sa and me. perfect for mahjong. HAHA. yvonne also had work the next day so she went upstairs to sleep before us. cheryl, 3sa and i stayed up till 4.30am to jus talk abt nothing.

chalets alwaes gave me a creepy feeling so i didn't realli sleep tt night, jus counted the minutes to sunrise as i was realli feeling my hair standing behind my neck. and when it was 8am, i was wide awake and went downstairs to watch TV. 3sa also woke up shortly after me and soon everyone was up. we decided to go for a swim, only to find that the pool was closed for maintenance that day. so.. we went back to play mahjong. HAHA.

sheesh, i realli hope i dun become addicted to mahjong. it is so not healthy. i am supposed to be against gambling, rem? :p

maybe i will ask the girls to come over this weekend to play mahjong with me. MAUAHHA!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

listen, u monster. u realli gotta stop acting up! there's only so much he is gg to tolerate and u haf crossed the line once too many. when will u ever learn?? dun cry to me the next time u screw up cuz no one is gg to pity u! u screw up this time, it is ur own business and no one is gg to clean up after u this time. all his frens haf gone all out to help you the last time and if it happens again, no one will be able to help u cuz they're gonna think u dun deserve to be helped, u're jus like kid who yelled 狼来了! get this into ur thick skull and PLEASE dun ever behave the way you did last night. IT WAS WRONG!!

:(

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

今天的心情,超不想工作的。 我真的快要闷死了! 我的公司自这星期起,不再让我们自由的游览网上的网页。换句话说,他们禁止了很多的网页,如 Facebook 和 Friendster。 而且,从这个月的15号开始,公司里将不能再用 MSN。 真的想把我闷死啊! 真不知道接下来的日子该怎么过!:(

上个星期刚刚又申请了两张信用卡。 我还真得有点怕。 上一次带了我的信用卡去香港,那个月的账单真的像颗炸弹一样! 幸好没把我炸死! 而我上个月又刚刚签下了大约两千元的 facial package。 真要命。 钱还真得蛮好花的勒。

其实我现在所过的 lifestyle,是我很久以来都想要过的生活。 没负担,没烦恼。想吃就吃,想做就做。真的很享受。不过我还不是很习惯花这么多的钱。虽然那些钱都是我自己的,不过还是会觉得不好意思。像是很不应该的感觉。希望我不会花地越来越“凶”!

这个周末我将会很忙。。 因为答应了我的前任老板帮他当他的新公司 event 的 emcee。 Event 将会在 Suntec Convention Hall, 星期六和星期天。 星期五下班后,我还得去 rehearsal。 听了就觉得这个weekend 会喘不过气的感觉。 希望不会太忙,我还想陪陪男朋友的呢。 :p

昨晚大概十一点的时候,传来了一通 overseas 的电话。 当时我想,该不会是 william 吧。。 不过我还是接了那通电话。 非常意外。。 竟然是 Jimi! 没想到他会打给我呢。。 我看已经有一年没跟他说话了吧。 嗯。。 Jimi 是我七年前的男朋友。。 也是我第一个男朋友。 当时我们十八岁。。 是在台湾念书时认识的。 大家毕业后就各自回国。。 我们俩维持了一年多的远距离恋爱。。 然后就分手了。 虽然分了手,不过大家还是很好,很好的朋友。 因为我们从来都没吵过架,分手也只是因为距离的问题。。 加上他是住在纽西兰的台湾人,我是新加坡人。。 根本没可能会碰到面。。 所以才一起决定放弃的。

分了手的这七年里,我们都会在对方每年的生日打电话祝贺。 所以每年一定会说上最少两次电话。有时候当其中一个不开心时,也会打电话向另一个诉苦。 我们可以说是彼此的红颜知己! 我能够有像 Jimi 这样的朋友,我真得很开心。所以每当听到他的声音在电话的另一端,我都会非常开心和兴奋。

昨天晚上,我不清楚 Jimi 怎么会打电话给我。昨天既不是我的生日,他也没有不开心。 我们在电话聊了一个多小时。。 说了些有的没的。或许他有不开心,但不想跟我说? 我也没问,只是开开心心的跟他聊他想聊的。 又或许。。 他和我一样,偶尔还是会想起他,还有我们那一段非常美丽的回忆。

命运总是爱作弄人。。 如果 Jimi 不是台湾人,而是新加坡人,我们现在会怎样呢? 还会在一起吗? 还是一样会是分手的下场? 但是,如果 Jimi 是新加坡人而我们现在仍然还在一起,我会不会遇到我现在的男朋友呢? 我会不会为了我现在的男朋友而跟 Jimi 分手呢?

生活上总是有很多的问号。 但是我想,只要你是无怨无悔地去过你的生活,对我来说就是生命里最大的满足了。 不要再回头看了,该是向前走的时候,就要勇敢地向前走。 这样,生活才会越来越有意义,越来越多新刺激!

haf some songs on my playlist on repeat mode lately. and i'm surprised at how open i've become in my song choices these days. in the past i wud only listen to songs of those artistes i like.. but lately i've been more open, less biased and merciful to those i dun like. haha.

刘德华 - 归宿
李圣杰 - 远走高飞
李圣杰 - 很想说
林俊杰 - 杀手
林宇中 - 空秋千
Ella - 蔷蔷
S.H.E - 说你爱我
蔡旻佑 - 我可以
方大同&薛凯琪 - 四人游

just to name a few, i dun like all those artistes i've named above. but those songs, are good songs. a lot of them realli jerks a few tears when i 1st listened to them (ok, maybe not for 杀手). for starters, listen to 李圣杰's 很想说 (if u haven't heard it b4). a definite tear-jerker!

my fave out of the list is 方大同&薛凯琪's 四人游. i hate 方大同 cuz he looks like such an a-toot. hahah. and i only listened to this song cuz i like 薛凯琪. and turned out this is a superb track. and changed my mind about this 方大同 too. did u kno his english name is Khalil?? wat kind of english name is that? it is so.. er.. malay. and he is not malay right??? *puzzled*

and ya, i dun like S.H.E too. but Ella is ok, i guess. i jus can't stand Hebe and Selina la. typical taiwanese girls.. the way they sing realli send shivers down my spine sometimes. *brrr..*

actually the artistes i dun like is realli quite a long list. haha. i haf quite high standards for artistes that i like, as if i am picking a husband. :p but well, i think i shud realli try to look past their character, appearance, bad publicity etc and try to appreciate their music.

maybe i will TRY to sit down this weekend and listen to jolin's new album. omg, her MV for 特务J is so disgusting lo. she think she charlie's angel. shit, she is is not even fit to be charlie's bagel!

YES I ABSOLUTELY HATE HER! *puke*

and i love ELVA and her last album title, 1087! (依琳白痴!) :p

Monday, October 01, 2007

it's MONDAY! but guess wat, I HAVE NO MONDAY BLUES! the wonders an amazing weekend can do! realli gotta give credit to *him*!

i wun even say that it was only a good weekend.. it was probably the best weekend of my life. i realli dunno if i am starting to see things from a different perspective that is now helping this relationship to grow positively or things has jus gotten better between us. i cannot stress more on how good the break has been for both of us. i haf definitely grown through that experience and it was truly a blessing in disguise.

like tony said, it's cool how we are, like, falling in love with each other all over again.. except it's even better cuz we are oredi so familiar with each other.

also, now tt the family is temporarily out of the way, i am realli enjoying having him all to myself. well not exactly all to myself la.. but at least when he is with me now, he is only with me.. not with the sister sitting nex to us, or the mother talking to him privately in her room while i wait outside. :(

i was actually a bit upset on saturday when he msged me to say that he had to go for some family gathering that night with his cousins at his place.. and can only meet me after that. i was sad cuz no. 1 - i am not invited to the gathering. :( no. 2 - he will probably haf to "show face" there until 11-ish, past midnight kind. which eats into the little time i get with him on weekends, given his tight schedule. (on that same day, he worked from 10.30am to 4pm, golf lessons from 4pm to 8pm, went home for gathering and left shortly to fetch his father from the airport, went home again probably about 10pm. and came out again to meet me at about 11.30pm.)

i felt so bad tt he came to meet me even though he was so tired. but of cuz, happy that he still wanted to see me after such a hectic day. :) i dun think i haf ever loved him more than i do now, this very moment.

and yesterday on sunday, i was surprised that he also met me for dinner.. cuz u kno, sunday is alwaes the family day. i realli dun wanna go into comparing the time he spends with his famiy and the time he spends with me.. i kno he is trying his best oredi and i realli dun want to stress him. how i perform and manage our relationship at this point is very crucial and my future with him realli depends on it. i am trying my very hardest to make it work for us. it's different this time cuz I am truly happy to be doing it.

as for the mother issues.. i am taking his advice to not think abt it for now. but all i kno is.. if she found out tt her son is sneaking off almost every other weekend to spend time with me since i am not allowed in his hse, she is not gg to be happy. and sooner or later, she'll jus b forced to let me back into her life (and her hse) cuz the last thing she wants, is to realli lose her son to me. i kno i am sounding conceited, but i realil am not. i jus want to make things easier for him by actually realli getting along with his family and i hope his mother will be sensible enough to think this way too.

i can only hope.